Mrs. Caudle's Curtain LecturesJerrold, Douglas William
General
Mrs. Caudle's Curtain Lectures
Jerrold, Douglas William
English wit and humor; Marriage -- Humor
"Oh, you know what I mean very well. What have any of 'em got by
their godfathers beyond a half-pint mug, a knife and fork, and spoon-
-and a shabby coat, that I know was bought second-hand, for I could
almost swear to the place? And then there was your fine friend
Hartley's wife--what did she give to Caroline? Why, a trumpery lace
cap it made me blush to look at. What?
"IT WAS THE BEST SHE COULD AFFORD?
"Then she'd no right to stand for the child. People who can't do
better than that have no business to take the responsibility of
godmother. They ought to know their duties better.
"Well, Caudle, you can't object to Goldman?
"YES, YOU DO?
"Was there ever such a man! What for?
"HE'S A USURER AND A HUNKS?
"Well, I'm sure, you've no business in this world, Caudle; you have
such high-flown notions. Why, isn't the man as rich as the bank?
And as for his being a usurer,--isn't it all the better for those who
come after him? I'm sure it's well there's some people in the world
who save money, seeing the stupid creatures who throw it away. But
you are the strangest man! I really believe you think money a sin,
instead of the greatest blessing; for I can't mention any of our
acquaintance that's rich--and I'm sure we don't know too many such
people--that you haven't something to say against 'em. It's only
beggars that you like--people with not a shilling to bless
themselves. Ha! though you're my husband, I must say it--you're a
man of low notions, Caudle. I only hope none of the dear boys will
take after their father!
"And I should like to know what's the objection to Goldman? The only
thing against him is his name; I must confess it, I don't like the
name of Lazarus: it's low, and doesn't sound genteel--not at all
respectable. But after he's gone and done what's proper for the
child, the boy could easily slip Lazarus into Laurence. I'm told the
thing's done often. No, Caudle, don't say that--I'm not a mean
woman--certainly not; quite the reverse. I've only a parent's love
for my children; and I must say it--I wish everybody felt as I did.
"I suppose, if the truth was known, you'd like your tobacco-pipe
friend, your pot-companion, Prettyman, to stand for the child?
"YOU'D HAVE NO OBJECTION?
"I thought not! Yes; I knew what it was coming to. He's a beggar,
he is; and a person who stays out half the night; yes, he does; and
it's no use your denying it--a beggar and a tippler, and that's the
man you'd make godfather to your own flesh and blood! Upon my word,
Caudle, it's enough to make a woman get up and dress herself to hear
you talk.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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