"No, Mr. Caudle; the house isn't tossed about in water as if it was Noah's Ark. And you ought to be ashamed of yourself to talk of Noah's Ark in that loose manner. I'm sure I don't know what I've done to be married to a man of such principles. No: and the whole house DOESN'T taste of soap-suds either; and if it did, any other man but yourself would be above naming it. I suppose I don't like washing-day any more than yourself. What do you say? "YES, I DO? "Ha! you're wrong there, Mr. Caudle. No; I don't like it because it makes everybody else uncomfortable. No; and I ought not to have been born a mermaid, that I might always have been in water. A mermaid, indeed! What next will you call me? But no man, Mr. Caudle, says such things to his wife as you. However, as I've said before, it can't last long, that's one comfort. What do you say? "YOU'RE GLAD OF IT? "You're a brute, Mr. Caudle! No, you DIDN'T mean washing: I know what you mean. A pretty speech to a woman who's been the wife to you I have! You'll repent it when it's too late: yes, I wouldn't have your feelings when I'm gone, Caudle; no, not for the Bank of England. "And when we only wash once a fortnight! Ha! I only wish you had some wives, they'd wash once a week! Besides, if once a fortnight's too much for you, why don't you give me money that we may have things to go a month? Is it MY fault if we're short? What do you say? "MY 'ONCE A FORTNIGHT' LASTS THREE DAYS? "No, it doesn't; never; well, very seldom, and that's the same thing. Can I help it, if the blacks will fly, and the things must be rinsed again? Don't say that; I'm NOT made happy by the blacks, and they DON'T prolong my enjoyment; and, more than that, you're an unfeeling man to say so. You're enough to make a woman wish herself in her grave--you are, Caudle. "And a pretty example you set to your sons! Because we'd a little wash to-day, and there wasn't a hot dinner--and who thinks of getting anything hot for washer-women?--because you hadn't everything as you always have it, you must swear at the cold mutton--and you don't know what that mutton costs a pound, I dare say--you must swear at a sweet, wholesome joint like a lord. What? "YOU DIDN'T SWEAR? "Yes; it's very well for you to say so; but I know when you're swearing; and you swear when you little think it; and I say you must go on swearing as you did, and seize your hat like a savage, and rush out of the house, and go and take your dinner at a tavern! A pretty wife people must think you have, when they find you dining at a public-house. A nice home they must think you have, Mr. Caudle! What? "YOU'LL DO SO EVERY TIME I WASH? "Very well, Mr. Caudle--very well. We'll soon see who's tired of that, first; for I'll wash a stocking a day if that's all, sooner than you should have everything as you like. Ha! that's so like you: you'd trample everybody under foot, if you could--you know you would, Caudle, so don't deny it.