Mrs. Caudle's Curtain LecturesJerrold, Douglas William
General
Mrs. Caudle's Curtain Lectures
Jerrold, Douglas William
English wit and humor; Marriage -- Humor
"To be sure, it can be of no consequence to me whether your will is
made or not. I shall not be alive, Mr. Caudle, to want anything: I
shall be provided for a long time before your will's of any use. No,
Mr. Caudle, I sha'n't survive you: and--though a woman's wrong to
let her affection for a man be known, for then she's always taken
advantage of--though I know it's foolish and weak to say so, still I
don't want to survive you. How should I? No, no; don't say that:
I'm not good for a hundred--I sha'n't see you out, and another
husband too. What a gross idea, Caudle! To imagine I'd ever think
of marrying again. No--never! What?
"THAT'S WHAT WE ALL SAY?
"Not at all; quite the reverse. To me the very idea of such a thing
is horrible, and always was. Yes, I know very well that some do
marry again--but what they're made of I'm sure I can't tell. Ugh!
"There are men, I know, who leave their property in such a way that
their widows, to hold it, must keep widows. Now, if there is
anything in the world that is mean and small, it is that. Don't you
think so, too, Caudle? Why don't you speak, love? That's so like
you! I never want a little quiet, rational talk, but you want to go
to sleep. But you never were like any other man! What?
"HOW DO I KNOW?
"There now--that's so like your aggravating way. I never open my
lips upon a subject but you try to put me off. I've no doubt when
Miss Prettyman speaks, you can answer HER properly enough. There you
are, again! Upon my life, it IS odd; but I never can in the most
innocent way mention that person's name that -
"WHY CAN'T I LEAVE HER ALONE?
"I'm sure--with all my heart! Who wants to talk about her? I don't:
only you always will say something that's certain to bring up her
name.
"What was I saying, Caudle? Oh, about the way some men bind their
widows. To my mind, there is nothing so little. When a man forbids
his wife to marry again without losing what he leaves--it's what I
call selfishness after death. Mean to a degree! It's like taking
his wife into the grave with him. Eh?
"YOU NEVER WANT TO DO THAT?
"No, I'm sure of that, love: you're not the man to tie a woman up in
that mean manner. A man who'd do that would have his widow burnt
with him, if he could--just as those monsters, that call themselves
men, do in the Indies.
"However, it's no matter to me how you've made your will; but it may
be to your second wife. What?
"I SHALL NEVER GIVE YOU A CHANCE?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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