Bene.
I can see yet without spectacles, and I see no such matter:
there's her cousin, an she were not possessed with a fury,
exceeds her as much in beauty as the first of May doth the
last of December. But I hope you have no intent to turn
husband; have you?
Claud.
I would scarce trust myself, though I had sworn the
contrary, if Hero would be my wife.
Bene.
Is't come to this, i' faith? Hath not the world one man but
he will wear his cap with suspicion? Shall I never see a
bachelor of three-score again? Go to, i' faith: an thou wilt
needs thrust thy neck into a yoke, wear the print of it, and
sigh away Sundays. Look, Don Pedro is returned to seek you.
[Re-enter Don Pedro.]
D. Pedro.
What secret hath held you here, that you followed not to
Leonato's?
Bene.
I would your Grace would constrain me to tell.
D. Pedro.
I charge thee on thy allegiance.
Bene.
You hear, count Claudio: I can be secret as a dumb man, I
would have you think so; but on my allegiance,--mark you this, on
my allegiance:--He is in love. With who?--now that is your
Grace's part.--Mark how short his answer is:--With Hero,
Leonato's short daughter.
Claud.
If this were so, so were it uttered.
Bene.
Like the old tale, my lord: 'it is not so, nor 't was not so;
but, indeed, God forbid it should be so.'
Claud.
If my passion change not shortly, God forbid it should be
otherwise.
D. Pedro.
Amen, if you love her; for the lady is very well worthy.
Claud.
You speak this to fetch me in, my lord.
D. Pedro.
By my troth I speak my thought.
Claud.
And in faith, my lord, I spoke mine.
Bene.
And by my two faiths and troths, my lord, I spoke mine.
Claud.
That I love her, I feel.
D. Pedro.
That she is worthy, I know.
Bene.
That I neither feel how she should be loved, nor know how she
should be worthy, is the opinion that fire cannot melt out of me:
I will die in it at the stake.
D. Pedro.
Thou wast ever an obstinate heretic in the despite of beauty.
Claud.
And never could maintain his part but in the force of his
will.
Bene.
That a woman conceived me, I thank her; that she brought me up,
I likewise give her most humble thanks: but that I will have
a recheat winded in my forehead, or hang my bugle in an invisible
baldrick, all women shall pardon me: Because, I will not do them
the wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself the right to trust
none; and the fine is (for the which I may go the finer,) I will
live a bachelor.
D. Pedro.
I shall see thee, ere I die, look pale with love.
Bene.
With anger, with sickness, or with hunger, my lord; not with
love: prove that ever I lose more blood with love than I will get
again with drinking, pick out mine eyes with a ballad-maker's
pen, and hang me up at the door of a brothel house for the sign of
blind Cupid.
D. Pedro.
Well, if ever thou dost fall from this faith thou wilt
prove a notable argument.
Bene.
If I do, hang me in a bottle like a cat, and shoot at me; and
he that hits me let him be clapped on the shoulder and called
Adam.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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