'DARLING ALICE,
'Thanks a thousand times for your last letter, and the money enclosed.
It came in the nick of time, for I was run almost to my last penny. I
did not write before, because I didn't feel in the humour to do
anything. Thank goodness! I'm not sick any more, though I don't know
that it isn't counterbalanced by the dreadful faintness and the constant
movement. Isn't it awful to sit here day after day, watching myself, and
knowing the only relief I shall get will be after such terrible pain? I
woke up last night crying with the terror of it. Cervassi says there are
cases on record of painless confinements, and in my best moods I think
mine is to be one of them. I know it is wrong to write all these things
to a good girl like you, but I think talking about it is part of the
complaint, and poor sinner me has no one to talk to. Do you remember my
old black cashmere? I've been altering it till there's hardly a bit of
the original body left; but now the skirt is adding to my troubles by
getting shorter and shorter in front. It is now quite six inches off the
ground, and instead of fastening it I have to pin the placket-hole, and
then it falls nearly right. . . . Only three weeks longer, and then. . .
But there, I won't look forward, because I know I am going to die, and
all the accounting for it, and everything else, will be on your
shoulders. Good-bye, dear; I shan't write again, at least not till
afterwards. And if there is an afterward, I shall never be able to thank
you properly; but still I think it will be a weight off you. Is it so,
dear? Do you wish I were dead? I know you don't. It was unkind to write
that last line; I will scratch it out. You will not be angry, dear. I am
too wretched to know what I am writing, and I want to lie down.
'Always affectionately yours,
'MAY GOULD.'
Outside the air was limpid with sunlight, and the newly mown meadow was
golden in the light of evening. The autumn-coloured foliage of the
chestnuts lay mysteriously rich and still, harmonizing in measured tones
with the ruddy tints of the dim September sunset. The country dozed as
if satiated with summer love. Heavy scents were abroad--the pungent
odours of the aftermath. A high baritone voice broke the languid
silence, and, in embroidered smoking-jacket and cap, Mr. Barton twanged
his guitar. Milord had been thrown down amid the hay; and Mrs. Barton
and Olive were showering it upon him. The old gentleman's legs were in
the air.
Crushing the letter, Alice's hands fell on the table; she burst into
tears. But work was more vital than tears; and, taking up her pen, she
continued her story--penny journal fiction of true love and unending
happiness in the end. A month later she received this note:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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