Transcriber’s Note: Italics are enclosed in _underscores_. Additional notes will be found near the end of this ebook. MY FOUR WEEKS IN FRANCE [Illustration: A password was what he wanted, and Mr. Poincaré had forgotten to give me the correct one] MY FOUR WEEKS IN FRANCE _By_ RING W. LARDNER AUTHOR OF Gullible’s Travels, Etc. ILLUSTRATED BY WALLACE MORGAN INDIANAPOLIS THE BOBBS-MERRILL COMPANY PUBLISHERS COPYRIGHT 1918 THE BOBBS-MERRILL COMPANY PRESS OF BRAUNWORTH & CO. BOOK MANUFACTURERS BROOKLYN, N. Y. CONTENTS CHAPTER PAGE I DODGING SUBMARINES TO COVER THE BIGGEST GAME OF ALL 9 II I GET TO PARIS AND ENCOUNTER SOME STRANGE SIGHTS 30 III I TRY TO GET TO THE AMERICAN CAMP--BUT MEET DISASTER 54 IV FINALLY I GET TO THE AMERICAN CAMP; WHAT I FIND THERE 76 V MY ADVENTURES AT THE BRITISH FRONT 100 VI HOW I DIDN’T DRIVE MAJOR BLANK’S CAR TO CAMP SUCH-AND-SUCH 128 VII I START HOME, WITH A STOP-OVER AT LONDON 146 VIII BACK IN OLD “O SAY”; I START ANSWERING QUESTIONS 171 MY FOUR WEEKS IN FRANCE I DODGING SUBMARINES TO COVER THE BIGGEST GAME OF ALL _Wednesday, July 18. A Lake Michigan Port._ I kept an appointment to-day with a gentleman from Somewhere in Connecticut. “How,” said he, “would you like to go to France?” I told him I’d like it very much, but that I was thirty-two years old, with a dependable wife and three unreliable children. “Those small details,” he said, “exempt you from military duty. But we want you as a war correspondent.” I told him I knew nothing about war. He said it had frequently been proved that that had nothing to do with it. So we hemmed and we hawed, pro and con, till my conscientious objections were all overruled. “In conclusion,” said he, “we’d prefer to have you go on a troopship. That can be arranged through the War Department. There’ll be no trouble about it.” _Monday, July 30. A Potomac Port._ To-day I took the matter up with the War Department, through Mr. Creel. “Mr. Creel,” I said, “can I go on a troopship?” “No,” said Mr. Creel. There was no trouble about it. _Wednesday, August 1. An Atlantic Port._ The young man in the French Consulate has taken a great fancy to me. He will not visé my passport till I bring him two more autographed pictures of myself.