My Lady Nicotine: A Study in SmokeBarrie, J. M. (James Matthew)
General
My Lady Nicotine: A Study in Smoke
Barrie, J. M. (James Matthew)
Smoking -- Anecdotes; Tobacco -- Anecdotes; Wit and humor, Pictorial
Pettigrew will be welcomed if he comes, but he is a married man, and we
seldom see him nowadays. Others will be regarded as intruders. If they
are smoking common tobaccoes, they must either be allowed to try ours
or requested to withdraw. One need only put his head in at my door to
realize that tobaccoes are of two kinds, the Arcadia and others. No
one who smokes the Arcadia would ever attempt to describe its delights,
for his pipe would be certain to go out. When he was at school, Jimmy
Moggridge smoked a cane chair, and he has since said that from cane to
ordinary mixtures was not so noticeable as the change from ordinary
mixtures to the Arcadia. I ask no one to believe this, for the confirmed
smoker in Arcadia detests arguing with anybody about anything. Were I
anxious to prove Jimmy's statement, I would merely give you the only
address at which the Arcadia is to be had. But that I will not do. It
would be as rash as proposing a man with whom I am unacquainted for
my club. You may not be worthy to smoke the Arcadia Mixture.
[Illustration]
Even though I became attached to you, I might not like to take the
responsibility of introducing you to the Arcadia. This mixture has an
extraordinary effect upon character, and probably you want to remain as
you are. Before I discovered the Arcadia, and communicated it to the
other five--including Pettigrew--we had all distinct individualities,
but now, except in appearance--and the Arcadia even tells on that--we
are as like as holly leaves. We have the same habits, the same ways of
looking at things, the same satisfaction in each other. No doubt we are
not yet absolutely alike, indeed I intend to prove this, but in given
circumstances we would probably do the same thing, and, furthermore, it
would be what other people would not do. Thus when we are together we
are only to be distinguished by our pipes; but any one of us in the
company of persons who smoke other tobaccoes would be considered highly
original. He would be a pigtail in Europe.
[Illustration]
If you meet in company a man who has ideas and is not shy, yet refuses
absolutely to be drawn into talk, you may set him down as one of us.
Among the first effects of the Arcadia is to put an end to jabber.
Gilray had at one time the reputation of being such a brilliant talker
that Arcadians locked their doors on him, but now he is a man that can
be invited anywhere. The Arcadia is entirely responsible for the change.
Perhaps I myself am the most silent of our company, and hostesses
usually think me shy. They ask ladies to draw me out, and when the
ladies find me as hopeless as a sulky drawer, they call me stupid. The
charge may be true, but I do not resent it, for I smoke the Arcadia
Mixture, and am consequently indifferent to abuse.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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