My Lady Nicotine: A Study in SmokeBarrie, J. M. (James Matthew)
General
My Lady Nicotine: A Study in Smoke
Barrie, J. M. (James Matthew)
Smoking -- Anecdotes; Tobacco -- Anecdotes; Wit and humor, Pictorial
Enough has been said to show that the Arcadian's golden rule is to
be careful about what he says. This does not mean that he is to say
nothing. As society is at present constituted you are bound to make an
occasional remark. But you need not make it rashly. It has been said
somewhere that it would be well for talkative persons to count twenty,
or to go over the alphabet, before they let fall the observation that
trembles on their lips. The non-talker has no taste for such an
unintellectual exercise. At the same time he must not hesitate too
long, for, of course, it is to his advantage to introduce the subject.
He ought to think out a topic of which his neighbor will not be able
to make very much. To begin on the fall of snow, or the number of
tons of turkeys consumed on Christmas Day, as stated in the _Daily
Telegraph_, is to deserve your fate. If you are at a dinner-party
of men only, take your host aside, and in a few well-considered
sentences find out from him what kind of men you are to sit between
during dinner. Perhaps one of them is an African traveller. A knowledge
of this prevents your playing into his hands, by remarking that the
papers are full of the relief of Emin Pasha. These private inquiries
will also save you from talking about Mr. Chamberlain to a neighbor who
turns out to be the son of a Birmingham elector. Allow that man his
chance, and he will not only give you the Birmingham gossip, but what
individual electors said about Mr. Chamberlain to the banker or the
tailor, and what the grocer did the moment the poll was declared, with
particulars about the antiquity of Birmingham and the fishing to be had
in the neighborhood. What you ought to do is to talk about Emin Pasha
to this man, and to the traveller about Mr. Chamberlain, taking care, of
course, to speak in a low voice. In that way you may have comparative
peace. Everything, however, depends on the calibre of your neighbors. If
they agree to look upon you as an honorable antagonist, and so to fight
fair, the victory will be to him who deserves it; that is to say, to the
craftier man of the two. But talkers, as a rule, do not fight fair. They
consider silent men their prey. It will thus be seen that I distinguish
between talkers, admitting that some of them are worse than others. The
lowest in the social scale is he who stabs you in the back, as it were,
instead of crossing swords. If one of the gentlemen introduced to you is
of that type, he will not be ashamed to say, "Speaking of Emin Pasha,
I wonder if Mr. Chamberlain is interested in the relief expedition.
I don't know if I told you that my father----" and there he is, fairly
on horseback. It is seldom of any use to tempt him into other channels.
Better turn to your traveller and let him describe the different routes
to Egyptian Equatorial Provinces, with his own views thereon. Allow him
even to draw a map of Africa with a fork on the table-cloth. A talker of
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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