at a pinch I could throw over the whole college curriculum, if
necessary, and quietly vamose and, perhaps, begin again in some other
institution where my crude, but by me highly prized, literary
productions would receive fairer treatment. I had a feeling that a
runaway trip would be the end of my college career, and there were
influences that struggled hard to hold me back; I have often wondered
what my later life would have been had they prevailed. Never before had
I been so near a complete victory over _Die Ferne_, and never before had
I felt myself the responsible citizen in the community that my college
life and self-supporting abilities helped to make me. Then, too, my good
friend and counselor, the lawyer, was a man who had made a very great
impression on me--an achievement by no means easy in those days of
rebellion and willful independence. I knew about the hard fight that he
had made in life before I went to his home. He had often visited in our
home, and I had been much impressed with his set, cleancut countenance.
Some would have called it hard unless they knew the man and what he had
been through. I studied it with particular interest, because I knew that
every now and then I also struggled hard to do right, and I wondered
whether my face after complete mastery of myself, if this should ever
come to pass, would some day take on the terrible look of determination
and victory which was so often present in that of the lawyer.
All of his victories I cannot report upon, because there must have been
many, very many, of a minor character, that he had to work for every day
of his life. But the one that took him out of the gutter, and gave him
strength to quit, at one and the same time, over-indulgence in liquor
and the tobacco habit, was _the_ one that took hold of me, although I
hardly knew what whisky tasted like myself and was only intermittently a
user of tobacco. The fact that the man had overcome these habits by
sheer will-power, "without getting religion," as had often been told me,
was what took hold of my sense of wonder. Both in my home, and in the
lawyer's, so far as his good wife was concerned, I had been taught to
believe, or, at any rate, had come partially to believe, that all such
moral victories, indeed, that all conquests over one's rebellious self,
had to come through prayer and Divine assistance, or not at all. I had
never wholly accepted this doctrine, although it probably had a stronger
hold on me than I knew. But the lawyer--ah, ha! here was at last a
living, breathing witness to the fact that prayer and Divine help were
not indispensable in gathering oneself together, putting evil habits
aside, and amounting to something in the world. I did not say anything
about the discovery I had made; but I studied my hero closely, and
treasured highly all facts and fancies which rather intimate contact
with him called forth, and which substantiated the original and primal
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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