One day, a relative of mine, known as "The Deacon," came to the town at
my hostess's request, and held some revival meetings, or, perhaps, they
were called consecration meetings. "The Deacon," although an ardent
Methodist, I believe, and a determined striver for the salvation of
men's souls, was not one of the conventional boisterous revivalists whom
we all have seen and heard. He was quiet and retiring in his manner, and
seemed to rely on the sweet reasonableness of the Bible and his
interpretation of it to convince men of the need of salvation, rather
than on loud exhortation and still louder singing. He was very deaf, and
when I called him for breakfast, mornings, I had to go into his room and
shake him, when he would put his trumpet to his ear and ask "what was
up." I would tell him that it was time for him to be up, and he would
thank me in that strange metallic voice which so many deaf people have,
or acquire.
He spent much of his time talking with his hostess, and, one morning,
rather injudiciously, I think, he told her of a friend of his, "just
your own husband's size, weight and years," who had suddenly dropped
dead in Chicago. This incident took hold of the good woman in an
unfortunate way, and when I saw her, she had been crying, and was
bewailing the fact that her "Gill" might also drop off suddenly before
getting religion. There was nothing that I could say beyond the fact
that he seemed to me good enough to drop off at any time; but with this
his wife was not to be consoled. "Gill must give himself up to God," she
persisted, and I retreated, feeling rather guilty on these lines myself,
as I was not at all sure that I had given myself up to God, or would
ever be able to. He was such a myth to me, that I found it far more
practicable to study the character and ways of the lawyer whom I knew as
a visible, tangible living being.
It may be that my adoration for my benefactor--I really think it
amounted to that--was not the best influence that might have been
exercised over my mind; it has been suggested to me in later years, for
instance, that it was probably at this time that I laid the foundation
for that firm belief in will-power, which, for better or for worse, has
been about all that I have believed in seriously as a moral dynamic for
a number of years. Be this as it may, for years after leaving college
and the lawyer's home, my recollection of him, of his brave fight to do
right, and of the friendly interest he took in me, contributed more than
once to help tide me over a spell when _Die Ferne_ was doing her utmost
to persuade me to throw over everything and chase foolishly after her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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