Later in the day Dudley called Julia on the telephone. He wanted to
arrange a meeting with her. He refused to admit to himself that the
strained note he observed in her voice caused him uneasiness. He had to
prove to himself his complete conviction of the righteousness of what he
demanded of her. He suggested a walk in the park, and Julia experienced
a resentful pang of exultance because she imagined that he was not
strong enough to have her come to his rooms. She contemplated, as a
means of defiance, taking him too much at his word.
* * * * *
White clouds filled with gray-brown stains flowed over the hidden sky.
Here and there the clouds broke and the aperture dilated until it
disclosed the deep angry blue behind it. In the center of the park the
lake, cold and lustrous like congealing oil, swelled heavily in the
wind, but now and again lapsed with the weight of a profound inertia.
The trees, with tossing limbs, had the same oppressed and resisting look
as they swung toward the water above their dying reflections.
Julia, seated on a bench away from the path, waited for Dudley to come.
When she saw him far off all of her rose against him. She could not hate
him enough. She subsided into herself like the cold lustrous water drawn
toward its own depths. She felt bitter and shriveled by desperation. She
was unhappy because she could not, at this moment, love herself.
Dudley was disconcerted by his own excitement as he approached her.
There was something spiritually _gauche_ in the exaggerated simplicity
of his manner. He knew that his affectionate smile was an attempt to
disarm her, and that his combative and questioning eyes showed his
uneasiness. It was hard for him to forgive her when she made him feel
absurd like this. A guilty sensation overpowered him. He considered the
emotion unwarranted, attributed it to her suggestion, and held it
against her as a grudge. At this instant he could allow her no equality
so he made himself feel kind. "Dear!" He took her cold fingers in his
moist plump hand. Their unresponsiveness pained him. He dropped them and
went on smiling at her interrogatively. "I had to talk to you," he said
at last. His voice was subdued. His smile disappeared. He recognized
that he was depressed and wounded.
Julia wanted to ask him what he expected her to do with her life after
she had told Laurence everything, and it was no longer possible for them
to live in the same house. She had greeted Dudley. Now her mouth took a
sarcastic twist and she found herself unable to speak. She stared
straight at the lake, which was beginning to twinkle with cold lights
under the gray luminous sky. She shivered when Dudley seated himself
beside her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account