Laurence found in her voice a peculiar emotional timbre which never
failed to stir him, and when she sat down near him he was caught as
always by the helplessness of her large hands lying in her lap.
"I don't fancy his playing with motor cycles."
They were silent a moment.
"Julie?" He smiled apologetically. He noticed that her eyes evaded him
and it made him unhappy. "Not much company for you. I'm a typical
American man of business--engrossed in my profession. Wasn't it to-night
that you were going to that meeting on Foreign Relief?"
"You've discouraged my philanthropies," Julia said. "Besides, they won't
miss me." She lowered her gaze, and made a wry deprecating mouth.
He felt that she was shutting him out from something--from her cold
youth. He had not intended to discourage her enthusiasms, but it would
have relieved him to enfold her in the warmth of his inertia. He said
inwardly that he must keep himself until she needed him. He wondered if
he were merely jealous of her youngness which went on beyond him
discovering itself.
There was a pastel on the desk beside him. "I see Allen has done another
portrait of you."
Julia flushed as she turned to him. In her open look he found something
concealed. He was ashamed of his thought. He stared at his own hands and
hated their sensitiveness.
"I can't pretend to see myself in it. It looks grotesque to us with our
Victorian conceptions of art, doesn't it?" She smiled, gazing at him
with a harassed but eager air of demand.
He did not wish to see her eyes that asked to be defended against
themselves. He stared at the picture a moment in silence. It irritated
him to feel that the artist had observed something in Julia which was
hidden from her husband. When he finally glanced with hard amused eyes
at her, he felt himself weak. "My mentality is not equal to an
appreciation of your friend's stuff. I'm hopelessly bourgeois, Julia."
He would not admit his hardening against each of Julia's interests as
they came to her. He put his pain with the transience of her youth and
condescended to her so that he need not take note of himself. "Did you
arrange for the lecture courses at the settlement house?" he asked. He
missed her former feverish engrossment in the projected lecture series
and wanted to bring her back to it.
Julia made a pathetic grimace. "You've laughed at me so, Laurie. I
realize all that was absurd--terribly futile."
"Did I? I thought I agreed with you that it was a fine thing to
inoculate the struggling masses with the culture bug." He could not
control his sarcasms, though he uttered them lightly. He wanted her to
be as tired as he was--to rest with him. There was sweat on his wrists
as he took his pipe from his pocket and pushed some tobacco into the dry
charred bowl. When he laughed at her the pupils of his gray eyes were
small and sharp and defensive, as though they had been pricked by his
pain. Beautiful, he thought. She doesn't need me.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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