Narrative and Miscellaneous PapersDe Quincey, Thomas
General
Narrative and Miscellaneous Papers
De Quincey, Thomas
English essays; English fiction
These, you will say, were blessings; these were golden elements of
felicity. They were so; and yet, with the single exception of my
healthy frame and firm animal organization, I feel that I have mentioned
hitherto nothing but what by comparison might be thought of a vulgar
quality. All the other advantages that I have enumerated, had they been
yet wanting, might have been acquired; had they been forfeited, might
have been reconquered; had they been even irretrievably lost, might, by
a philosophic effort, have been dispensed with; compensations might have
been found for any of them, many equivalents, or if not, consolations at
least, for their absence. But now it remains to speak of other blessings
too mighty to be valued, not merely as transcending in rank and dignity
all other constituents of happiness, but for a reason far sadder than
that--because, once lost, they were incapable of restoration, and
because not to be dispensed with; blessings in which 'either we must
live or have no life:' lights to the darkness of our paths and to the
infirmity of our steps--which, once extinguished, never more on this
side the gates of Paradise can any man hope to see re-illumined for
himself. Amongst these I may mention an intellect, whether powerful or
not in itself, at any rate most elaborately cultivated; and, to say the
truth, I had little other business before me in this life than to pursue
this lofty and delightful task. I may add, as a blessing, not in the
same _positive_ sense as that which I have just mentioned, because not
of a nature to contribute so hourly to the employment of the thoughts,
but yet in this sense equal, that the absence of either would have been
an equal affliction,--namely, a conscience void of all offence. It
was little indeed that I, drawn by no necessities of situation into
temptations of that nature, had done no injury to any man. That was
fortunate; but I could not much value myself upon what was so much an
accident of my situation. Something, however, I might pretend to beyond
this _negative_ merit; for I had originally a benign nature; and, as I
advanced in years and thoughtfulness, the gratitude which possessed me
for my own exceeding happiness led me to do that by principle and system
which I had already done upon blind impulse; and thus upon a double
argument I was incapable of turning away from the prayer of the
afflicted, whatever had been the sacrifice to myself. Hardly, perhaps,
could it have been said in a sufficient sense at that time that I was
a religious man: yet, undoubtedly, I had all the foundations within me
upon which religion might hereafter have grown. My heart overflowed with
thankfulness to Providence: I had a natural tone of unaffected piety;
and thus far, at least, I might have been called a religious man, that
in the simplicity of truth I could have exclaimed,
'O, Abner, I fear God, and I fear none beside.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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