Narrative and Miscellaneous PapersDe Quincey, Thomas
General
Narrative and Miscellaneous Papers
De Quincey, Thomas
English essays; English fiction
But wherefore seek to delay ascending by a natural climax to that final
consummation and perfect crown of my felicity--that almighty blessing
which ratified their value to all the rest? Wherefore, oh! wherefore
do I shrink in miserable weakness from--what? Is it from reviving,
from calling up again into fierce and insufferable light the images and
features of a long-buried happiness? That would be a natural shrinking
and a reasonable weakness. But how escape from reviving, whether I give
it utterance or not, that which is for ever vividly before me? What need
to call into artificial light that which, whether sleeping or waking, by
night or by day, for eight-and-thirty years has seemed by its miserable
splendor to scorch my brain? Wherefore shrink from giving language,
simple vocal utterance, to that burden of anguish which by so long an
endurance has lost no atom of its weight, nor can gain any most surely
by the loudest publication? Need there can be none, after this, to say
that the priceless blessing, which I have left to the final place in
this ascending review, was the companion of my life--my darling and
youthful wife. Oh! dovelike woman! fated in an hour the most
defenceless to meet with the ravening vulture,--lamb fallen amongst
wolves,--trembling--fluttering fawn, whose path was inevitably to be
crossed by the bloody tiger;--angel, whose most innocent heart fitted
thee for too early a flight from this impure planet; if indeed it were a
necessity that thou shouldst find no rest for thy footing except amidst
thy native heavens, if indeed to leave what was not worthy of thee were
a destiny not to be evaded--a summons not to be put by,--yet why, why,
again and again I demand--why was it also necessary that this, thy
departure, so full of wo to me, should also to thyself be heralded by
the pangs of martyrdom? Sainted love, if, like the ancient children
of the Hebrews, like Meshech and Abednego, thou wert called by divine
command, whilst yet almost a child, to walk, and to walk alone, through
the fiery furnace,--wherefore then couldst not thou, like that Meshech
and that Abednego, walk unsinged by the dreadful torment, and come forth
unharmed? Why, if the sacrifice were to be total, was it necessary to
reach it by so dire a struggle? and if the cup, the bitter cup, of final
separation from those that were the light of thy eyes and the pulse
of thy heart might not be put aside,--yet wherefore was it that thou
mightest not drink it up in the natural peace which belongs to a sinless
heart?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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