Night watches [complete]Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
General
Night watches [complete]
Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
Humorous stories; Short stories
“It came in at the front gate,” pursued Mr. Farrer. “A tall, well-knit
figure of martial bearing—much about your height, Mr. Ward—with a
beautiful filmy white robe down to its knees—”
He broke off in mild surprise, and stood gazing at Miss Ward, who, with
her handkerchief to her mouth, was rocking helplessly in her chair.
“Knees,” he repeated, quietly. “It came slowly down the path, and half
way to the house it stopped, and in a frightened sort of voice called
out my name. I was surprised, naturally, but before I could get to it—to
reassure it—”
“That'll do,” said the sergeant-major, rising hastily and drawing
himself up to his full height.
“You asked me,” said Mr. Farrer, in an aggrieved voice.
“I know I did,” said the sergeant-major, breathing heavily. “I know I
did; but if I sit here listening to any more of your lies I shall be
ill. The best thing you can do is to take that giggling girl out and
give her a breath of fresh air. I have done with her.”
EASY MONEY
A lad of about twenty stepped ashore from the schooner _Jane_, and
joining a girl, who had been avoiding for some ten minutes the ardent
gaze of the night-watchman, set off arm-in-arm. The watchman rolled his
eyes and shook his head slowly.
Nearly all his money on 'is back, he said, and what little bit 'e's got
over he'll spend on 'er. And three months arter they're married he'll
wonder wot 'e ever saw in her. If a man marries he wishes he 'adn't, and
if he doesn't marry he wishes he 'ad. That's life.
Looking at them two young fools reminds me of a nevy of Sam Small's; a
man I think I've spoke to you of afore. As a rule Sam didn't talk much
about 'is relations, but there was a sister of 'is in the country wot 'e
was rather fond of because 'e 'adn't seen 'er for twenty years. She 'ad
got a boy wot 'ad just got a job in London, and when 'e wrote and told
'er he was keeping company with the handsomest and loveliest and best
'arted gal in the whole wide world, she wrote to Sam about it and asked
'im to give 'is nevy some good advice.
Sam 'ad just got back from China and was living with Peter Russet and
Ginger Dick as usual, and arter reading the letter about seven times and
asking Ginger how 'e spelt “minx,” 'e read the letter out loud to them
and asked 'em what they thought about it.
Ginger shook his 'ead, and, arter thinking a bit, Peter shook his too.
“She's caught 'im rather young,” ses Ginger.
“They get it bad at that age too,” ses Peter. “When I was twenty, there
was a gal as I was fond of, and a regiment couldn't ha' parted us.”
“Wot did part you then?” ses Sam.
“Another gal,” ses Peter; “a gal I took a fancy to, that's wot did it.”
“I was nearly married when I was twenty,” ses Ginger, with a far-away
look in his eyes. “She was the most beautiful gal I ever saw in my life;
she 'ad one 'undred pounds a year of 'er own and she couldn't bear me
out of her sight. If a thump acrost the chest would do that cough of
yours any good, Sam—”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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