"'I have not considhered it advisable to inthrajooce anny fads like thrile be jury iv ye'er peers into me administhration. Plain sthraight-forward dealin's is me motto. A Filipino at his best has on'y larned half th' jooty iv mankind. He can be thried but he can't thry his fellow man. It takes him too long. But in time I hope to have thim thrained to a pint where they can be good men an' thrue at th' inquest. "'I hope I have tol' ye enough to show ye that th' stories iv disordher is greatly exaggerated. Th' counthry is pro-gressin' splindidly, th' ocean still laps th' shore, th' mountains are there as they were in Bivridge's day, quite happy apparently; th' flag floats free an' well guarded over th' govermint offices, an' th' cherry people go an' come on their errands--go out alone an' come back with th' throops. Ivrywhere happiness, contint, love iv th' shtep-mother counthry, excipt in places where there ar-re people. Gintlemen, I thank ye.' "An' there ye ar-re, Hinnissy. I hope this here lucid story will quite th' waggin' tongues iv scandal an' that people will let th' Ph'lippeens stew in their own happiness." "But sure they ought do something f'r thim," said Mr. Hennessy. "They will," said Mr. Dooley. "They'll give thim a measure iv freedom." "But whin?" "Whin they'll sthand still long enough to be measured," said Mr. Dooley. Soldier and Policeman "Th' life iv a sojer though gloryous is hard," said Mr. Dooley. "Here's me frind, Gin'ral Fustian, wan iv th' gallantest men that has come out iv Kansas since Stormy Jordan's day, has been called down f'r on'y suggistin' that Sinitor Hoar an' th' rest iv thim be hanged be th' heels. I'm with th' gallant gin'ral mesilf. I'm not sure but he'd like to hang me, though as ye know, me opinyions on th' Ph'lippeens is varyous an' I don't give a dam ayether way. If he runs me to earth I on'y ast him as a fellow pathrite that he won't give me th' wather cure. Th' very thought iv it makes me flesh creep.