Odd Charges: Odd Craft, Part 13.Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
General
Odd Charges: Odd Craft, Part 13.
Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English; Sailors -- Fiction
"Not like this," ses the conjurer. And 'e pulled out a woman's dress and
jacket and a pair o' boots. Then 'e took out a pound or two o' taters
and some crusts o' bread and other things, and at last 'e gave it back to
Sam Jones and shook 'is head at 'im, and told 'im if he wasn't very
careful he'd spoil the shape of it.
Then 'e asked somebody to lend 'im a watch, and, arter he 'ad promised to
take the greatest care of it, Dicky Weed, the tailor, lent 'im a gold
watch wot 'ad been left 'im by 'is great-aunt when she died. Dicky Weed
thought a great deal o' that watch, and when the conjurer took a
flat-iron and began to smash it up into little bits it took three men
to hold 'im down in 'is seat.
"This is the most difficult trick o' the lot," ses the conjurer, picking
off a wheel wot 'ad stuck to the flat-iron. "Sometimes I can do it and
sometimes I can't. Last time I tried it it was a failure, and it cost me
eighteenpence and a pint o' beer afore the gentleman the watch 'ad
belonged to was satisfied. I gave 'im the bits, too."
"If you don't give me my watch back safe and sound," ses Dicky Weed, in a
trembling voice, "it'll cost you twenty pounds."
"'Ow much?" ses the conjurer, with a start. "Well, I wish you'd told me
that afore you lent it to me. Eighteenpence is my price."
He stirred the broken bits up with 'is finger and shook his 'ead.
"I've never tried one o' these old-fashioned watches afore," he ses.
"'Owever, if I fail, gentle-men, it'll be the fust and only trick I've
failed in to-night. You can't expect everything to turn out right, but
if I do fail this time, gentlemen, I'll try it agin if anybody else'll
lend me another watch."
Dicky Weed tried to speak but couldn't, and 'e sat there, with 'is face
pale, staring at the pieces of 'is watch on the conjurer's table. Then
the conjurer took a big pistol with a trumpet-shaped barrel out of 'is
box, and arter putting in a charge o' powder picked up the pieces o'
watch and rammed them in arter it. We could hear the broken bits grating
agin the ramrod, and arter he 'ad loaded it 'e walked round and handed it
to us to look at.
"It's all right," he ses to Dicky Weed; "it's going to be a success; I
could tell in the loading."
He walked back to the other end of the room and held up the pistol.
"I shall now fire this pistol," 'e ses, "and in so doing mend the watch.
The explosion of the powder makes the bits o' glass join together agin;
in flying through the air the wheels go round and round collecting all
the other parts, and the watch as good as new and ticking away its
'ardest will be found in the coat-pocket o' the gentleman I shoot at."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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