On the Stage--and Off: The Brief Career of a Would-Be ActorJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
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On the Stage--and Off: The Brief Career of a Would-Be Actor
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Actors -- Great Britain -- Biography; Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka), 1859-1927
One or two of the doors still hung upon their hinges, and could, with
a little maneuvering, be opened or shut; but in most cases they had
been wrenched off, and stood propped up against their own posts, like
drunken revelers taken home by the cabmen. The only means therefore of
getting in or out of the rooms was by lifting them bodily away. It
was a pretty sight to watch some stout, short-winded actor, staggering
about the place with one of these great doors in his arms, trying to
make it stand up. After a series of fearful efforts, he would get it
wedged firmly across the passage, and, at that exact moment, some one
would be sure to come rushing upstairs in a desperate hurry to get to
his room. He could not, of course, pass while the wretched door was
in that position, so, with a view of expediting matters, he would lay
hold of the other side of it, and begin tugging. The first man, not
being able to see what was going on, and thinking larks were being
played with him, would plunge about more wildly than ever, and jam
the door down on the other fellow’s toes. Then they would both grapple
madly with it, one on each side, bump each other’s head with it, crush
each other with it against the sides of the passage, and end by all
three going down in a heap together, the door uppermost.
The furniture provided, simple though it was, had evidently been
selected with a thoughtful desire that everything should be in
keeping: it consisted of a few broken chairs. The supply of toilet
requisites in hand, too, seemed to be rather limited, but great care
and ingenuity had been displayed in their distribution. There not
being enough basins and jugs to go all around, these had been divided.
Some rooms had a jug but no basin, while others had a basin but no
jug, either circumstance being a capital excuse for leaving them
without any water. Where there was neither basin nor jug, you could
safely reckon on a soap-dish. We were supplied with towels, the
allowance being one a fortnight--a small thin one with a big hole in
the middle--among six, but we brought our own soap: at least some of
us did, and the others, without a moment’s hesitation, appropriated
it. One of the rooms was better appointed than the others, being able
to boast a washstand, made out of an old cane chair that had lost its
back and one of its legs. This article of luxury was the cause of
a good deal of bitterness at first among the occupants of the
less-favored apartments, but its tendency toward sudden and unexpected
collapse soon lessened this feeling of envy. Even its owners ceased
to take any pride in it after a while, and it was eventually kicked to
pieces in a fit of frenzy by Juveniles; it having been the cause, as
far as we could gather from his disjointed blasphemy, of his being
compelled to play all the rest of that evening in sopping wet tights.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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