Humorous stories; Love stories; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction
"And I? What would you expect? In less than two weeks I was a
stowaway on a French liner. They routed me out and set me to stoking.
I couldn't stand that, of course; so they put me to work in the
kitchens, cleaning pots, dumping garbage, waiting on the crew. I had
to make the round trip too. Then I jumped the stinking craft, only to
get a worse berth on a P. & O. liner. I worked with Chinese, Lascars,
coolies, the scum of the earth; worked and ate and slept and fought
with them. I crawled ashore and deserted in strange ports. I think it
was at Aden where I came nearest to starving the first time. And I
remember the docks at Alexandria. Sometimes the tourists threw down
coppers for the Arab and Berber boys to scrabble for. It's a pleasant
custom. I was there, in that scrabbling, cursing, clawing rabble. And
when I'd had a good day I spent my coppers royally in a native
dance-hall which even guides don't dare show to the trippers.
"Respectability, my dear Bob, is all a matter of comparison. I
acquired a lot of new standards. As a second cabin steward on a Brazos
liner I became quite haughty. Poverty! You don't know what it means
until you've rubbed elbows with it in the Far East and the Far South.
Here you have the Bowery Mission bread line. That's a fair sample,
Bob, of our American opulence. Free bread!"
"So you've been in that, have you?" asks Mr. Robert.
"Have I?" says Bunny. "I've pals down there tonight who will wonder
what has become of me."
Mr. Robert shudders. And, say, it made me feel chilly along the spine
too.
"Well, what now?" says Mr. Robert. "I suppose you expect me to find
you some sort of work?"
"Not at all," says Bunny. "Another of those cigarettes, if you don't
mind. Excellent brand. Thanks. But work? How inconsiderate, Bob! I
wasn't born to be useful. You know that well enough. No, work doesn't
appeal to me."
Mr. Robert flushes up at that. "Then," says he, pointin' stern,
"there's the door."
"Oh, what's the hurry?" says Bunny. "This is heaven to me, all
this,--the old club, you know, and good tobacco, and--say, Bob, if I
might suggest, a pint of that '85 vintage would add just the finishing
touch. Come, I haven't tasted a glass of fizz since--well, I've
forgotten. Just for auld lang syne!"
Mr. Robert gasps, hesitates a second, and then pushes the button.
Bunny inspects the label critical when it's brought in, waves graceful
to Mr. Robert, and slides the bottle back tender into the cooler.
"Ah-h-h!" says he. "And doesn't Henri have any more of those dainty
little caviar canapes on hand? They go well with fizz."
"Canapes," says Mr. Robert to the waiter. "And another box of those
gold-tipped Russians."
"_A vous_!" says Bunny, raisin' a glassful of bubbles and salutin'.
"I'm as thirsty as a camel driver."
"But what I'd like to know," says Mr. Robert, "is what you propose
doing."
"You, my dear fellow," says Bunny, settin' down the glass.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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