After reading his strictures I remarked to myself that really there
remained but one field of useful popularity for the onion to adorn; in
time it might hope to supplant the sunflower as the floral emblem of
Kansas, as typifying a great political principle which originated in that
state: The Initiative, when one took a chance and ate a young onion; the
Referendum, while one's digestive apparatus wrestled with it; the Recall,
if it disagreed with one. Alone, of all the vegetables, stood spinach,
with not a single detractor. On this issue the vote in the affirmative
practically was by acclamation. I am tin position to state that boiled
spinach has not an enemy among the experts. This seems but fair--it has so
few friends among the eating public.
I observed much and confusing talk of the value of nitrogens, proteids
and--when I had reached the ultra-modernists--vitamines. Vitamines, I
gathered, had only recently been discovered, yet by the progressives they
were held to be of the supremest importance in the equation of properly
balanced human sustenance. To my knowledge I had never consciously eaten
vitamines unless a vitamine was what gave guaranteed strictly fresh string
beans, as served at a table-d'hôte restaurant, that peculiar flavor. Here
all along I had figured it was the tinny taste of the can, which shows how
ignorant one may be touching on vitally important matters. I visualized a
suitable luncheon for one banting according to the newest and most
generally approved formula:
=RELISH=
MIXED GELATINOIDS
=POTAGE=
STRAINED NITROGEN GUMBO
=ENTREE=
GRILLED PROTEIDS WITH GLOBULIN PATTIES
=DESSERT=
COMPOTE OF ASSORTED VITAMINES
Or the alternative course for one sincerely desirous of reducing, who
believed everything he saw in print, was to cut out all the proscribed
articles of food--which meant everything edible except spinach--and starve
gracefully on a diet composed exclusively of boiled spinach, with the
prospect of dying a dark green death in from three to six weeks and
providing one's own protective coloration if entombed in a cemetery
containing cedars.
Personally I was not favorably inclined toward either plan, so I elected
to let my conscience be my guide, backed by personal observation and
personal experimentation. I was traveling pretty constantly this past
spring, and in the smoking compartments of the Pullmans, where all men,
for some curious reason, grow garrulous and confidential, I put crafty
leading questions to such of my fellow travelers as were over-sized and
made mental notes of their answers for my own subsequent use. Since the
Eighteenth Amendment put the nineteenth hole out of commission,
prohibition and how to evade it are the commonest of all conversational
topics among those moving about from place to place in America; but the
subject of what a man eats, and more particularly what he eats for
breakfast, runs it a close second for popularity.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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