'Have you ever learned how wonderful a thing pity is? For my part I
thank God every night, yes, on my knees I thank God for having taught
it to me. I went into prison with a heart of stone, thinking only of
my own pleasure, but now my heart is utterly broken--pity has entered
into my heart. I have learned now that pity is the greatest and most
beautiful thing in the world. And that is why I cannot bear ill-will
towards those who caused my suffering and those who condemned me;
no, nor to any one, because without them I should not have known all
that. ---- writes me terrible letters. He says he does not understand
me, that he does not understand that I do not wish every one ill, and
that every one has been horrid to me. No, he does not understand me.
He cannot understand me any more. But I keep on telling him that in
every letter: we cannot follow the same road. He has his, and it is
beautiful--I have mine. His is that of Alcibiades; mine is now that of
St. Francis of Assisi. Do you know St. Francis of Assisi? A wonderful
man! Would you like to give me a great pleasure? Send me the best life
of St. Francis you can find.'
I promised it to him. He went on:
'Yes, afterwards we had a charming prison Governor, oh, quite a
charming man, but for the first six months I was dreadfully unhappy.
There was a Governor of the prison, a Jew, who was very harsh, because
he was entirely lacking in imagination.'
This last expression, spoken very quickly, was irresistibly funny; and,
as I laughed heartily, he laughed too, repeated it, and then said:
'He did not know what to imagine in order to make us suffer. Now, you
shall see what a lack of imagination he showed. You must know that in
prison we are allowed to go out only one hour a day; then, we walk in a
courtyard, round and round, one behind the other, and we are absolutely
forbidden to say a word. Warders watch us, and there are terrible
punishments for any one caught talking. Those who are in prison for the
first time are spotted at once, because they do not know how to speak
without moving their lips. I had already been in prison six weeks and I
had not spoken a word to anyone--not to a soul[4].
'One evening we were walking as usual, one behind the other, during the
hour's exercise, when suddenly behind me I heard my name called. It was
the prisoner who followed me, and he said, "Oscar Wilde, I pity you,
because you must suffer more than we do." Then I made a great effort
not to be noticed (I thought I was going to faint), and I said without
turning round, "No, my friend, we all suffer alike." And from that day
I no longer had a desire to kill myself. We talked in that way for
several days. I knew his name and what he had done. His name was P----;
he was such a good fellow; oh! so good. But I had not yet learned to
speak without moving my lips, and one evening,--"C.3.3." (C.3.3. was
myself), "C.3.3. and A.4.8. step out of the ranks."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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