=Adolphus= (_grandly; he is giving his future brother-in-law a little dinner down the river_). "WAITAR, YOU CAN--AH--LEAVE US!" =Old Waiter.= "HEM!--YESSIR--BUT--YOU'LL PARD'N ME, SIR--WE'VE SO MANY GENTS--'DON'T WISH TO IMPUTE NOTHINK, SIR--BUT MASTER--'FACT IS, SIR--(_evidently feels a delicacy about mentioning it_)--WE'RE--YOU SEE, SIR--_'SPONSIBLE FOR THE PLATE, SIR!!!_" Illustration: "_What's in a Name?_" =Waiter= (_to nervous invalid_). "THERE'S THE OLD CHURCH, SIR, CLOSE BY, BUT SOME VISITORS GOES TO ST. WOBBLEOE'S, SIR. THERE THE CLERGYMAN PREACHES _DISTEMPERY_!!" _Clearly not the place for him, the old gentleman thinks, with a shudder._ Illustration: _A New Dish._ =Sympathising Swell= (_waiting for some chicken_). "YOU'VE GOT NO SINECURE THERE, THOMAS!" =Perspiring Footman.= "VERY SORRY, SIR--JUST 'ELPED THE LAST OF IT AWAY, SIR!" Illustration: Our Artist IS NOT IN THE BEST OF TEMPERS. HE HAS BEEN DISTURBED OFTEN BY BARGES, AND BOTHERED BY THE BLUEBOTTLES, AND THEN HE'S ACCOSTED BY WHAT APPEARS TO HIM IN THIS IRRITABLE MOOD TO BE AN =Art-Critic= (_loq._) "THE PICTURE LOOKS BETTER A GOODISH BIT OFF, GOV'NOUR!" =Artist= (_maddened_). "CON--FOUND----SO DO YOU, SIR!" _Party makes off hastily, "not liking the looks of him."_ Illustration: Hunting Idiot, RETURNING FROM THE CHASE, PROPOSES TO "CHAFF THAT ARTIST FELLER." =Huntsman.= "WHAT'LL YER TAKE ME FOR, GOV'NOUR?" =Painter= (_without the slightest hesitation_). A _SNOB_! Illustration: Boxing-Day. (_Mrs. Bustleton's favourite Cabman has called for his usual Christmas-Box in a state of----never mind._) =Mrs. B.= "OH, SAWYER, I'M SURPRISED--I THOUGHT YOU SUCH A STEADY MAN! I'M SORRY TO SEE YOU GIVEN TO DRINK!" =Sawyer.= "BEG Y' PAR'N MUM, NO S'H 'HING MUM (_hic_). DRINK 'ASH GI'N T' ME, MUM, 'SH MORN'N, MUM!!" Illustration: An Old Offender. =Country Gentleman= (_eyeing his Gardener suspiciously_). "DEAR, DEAR MR. JEFFRIES, THIS IS TOO BAD! AFTER WHAT I SAID TO YOU YESTERDAY, I DIDN'T THINK TO FIND YOU----" =Gardener.= "YOU CAN'T SHAY--(_hic_)--I WASH DRUNK YESHT'DAY, SH----!" =Country Gentleman= (_sternly_). "ARE YOU SOBER THIS MORNING, SIR?" =Gardener.= "I'M--SHLIGHTLY SHOBER, SHIR!!" Illustration: Irrevocable. =Customer= (_for the Royal Wedding photograph_). "CAN'T I HAVE THE LADY ONLY? I DON'T SO MUCH WANT THE GENTLEMAN!!" =Young Person= (_with decision_). "NO, SIR; WE CAN'T PART THEM, SIR, _NOW_!" Illustration: Mrs. Jingleton. Learning that Young M Skirlygy (FROM WHOSE FAMILY SHE RECEIVED SUCH POLITENESS WHEN SHE WAS IN THE HIGHLANDS) WAS IN TOWN, AND HAVING HEARD SO MUCH OF HIS PLAYING, ASKS HIM TO ONE OF HER LITTLE PARTIES FOR CLASSICAL MUSIC, AND HOPES HE WILL 'OBLIGE' DURING THE EVENING.--HA! HA! SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HIS INSTRUMENT WAS! Illustration: Arcadian Amenities. =Little Rustic= (_after a "game" struggle, evidently overweighted_). "OH, PLEASE, HELP US ALONG 'ITH THIS LINEN UP TO MOTHER'S----"