Illustration: Civil Service Miseries. =Mamma= (_who has been Shopping at the Co-Operative_). "GOOD GRACIOUS, DEARS, WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH THESE PARCELS?" =Youngest Daughter.= "OH, PA' CAN TAKE THE LARGE ONE, MA', AND HE MIGHT CARRY SOME OF THE SMALL ONES IN HIS POCKETS!!" _Pa', who has been waiting outside, feels he's in for it._ Illustration: "Men were Deceivers Ever." =Swell= (_at the Civil Service Co-Operative Store_). "HAW! I WANT TWO OR THWEE POUNDS--BACON--AND--AW--'BLIGE ME BY DOING IT UP LIKE BOX--GLOVES OR FLOWERS, OR SOMETHING O' THAT SORT!!" Illustration: A Sinister Slip. =Smith.= "HULLO, BROWN! 'BEEN FOR YOUR ANNUAL COLLIS----I MEAN YOUR ANNUAL EXCURSION, YET?" _Brown was highly nervous, and this malign suggestion quite upset him. He spent his holiday at home!_ Illustration: Force of Habit. =City Merchant= (_blissfully dozing in his Country Church_). "SEASON TICKET!!" Illustration: "_Alma Mater._" _Young Puncheonby "cuts" the Army, and goes to Oxford to read for "the Church."_ =Tutor.= "YOU ARE PREPARED IN SUBSCRIBE TO THE THIRTY-NINE ARTICLES----" =Puncheonby= (_with alacrity_). "AH 'TH PLEASH 'AH,--AH--HOW MU-CH--." Illustration: _Embarrassing._ =Nervous Spinster= (_to wary Old Bachelor_). "OH, MR. MARIGOLD, I'M SO FRIGHTENED! MAY I TAKE HOLD OF YOUR HAND WHILE WE'RE GOING THROUGH THIS TUNNEL?" Illustration: A Straightforward View. =High Church Curate.= "AND WHAT DO YOU THINK, MR. SIMPSON, ABOUT A CLERGYMAN'S TURNING TO THE EAST?" =Literal Churchwarden.= "WELL, SIR, MY OPINION IS, THAT IF THE CLERGY MAN IS GOODLOOKIN', HE DON'T WANT TO TURN HIS BACK TO THE CONGREGATION!" Illustration: "The Better the Day." &c. =Rustic= (_to Curate who dabbles in Photography_). "I'D BE TURR'BLE MUCH OBLIGED, ZUR, IF YOU'D MAP OFF MY PICTUR', ZUR!" =Curate.= "WELL, MY MAN, I'LL TAKE YOUR LIKENESS FOR YOU. WHEN WILL YOU COME?" =Rustic.= "WELL, ZUR, IF YOU'VE NO 'BJECTIONS, I BE MOASTLY CLEANED UP AND HAS MOAST TIME O' ZUNDAY MARNINS, ZUR!!" Illustration: A Distinction. =The "Good Parson"= (_to Applicant for Instruction in the Night School_). "HAVE YOU BEEN CONFIRMED, MY BOY?" =Boy= (_hesitating_). "PLEASE, SIR--I--DON'T KNOW----" =Parson.= "YOU UNDERSTAND ME; HAS THE BISHOP LAID HIS HANDS ON YOU?" =Boy.= "OH, NO, SIR; BUT HIS KEEPER HAVE, SIR--VERY OFTEN, SIR!!" Illustration: Considerate. =Churchwarden.= "TELL YE WHAT 'TIS, SIR. THE CONGREGATION DO WISH YOU WOULDN'T PUT THAT 'ERE CURATE UP IN PULPIT--NOBODY CAN'T HEAR UN." =Old Sporting Rector.= "WELL, BLUNT, THE FACT IS, TWEEDLER'S SUCH A GOOD FELLOW FOR PARISH WORK, I'M OBLIGED TO GIVE HIM _A MOUNT_ SOMETIMES." Illustration: Rustic Recollections. =Boy.= "PLEASE, PA-ARSON, MOTHER WANTS SOME SOUP." =The Rector.= "BUT I TOLD YOUR MOTHER SHE MUST SEND SOMETHING TO PUT IT IN." =Boy.= "OH, PLEASE, SHE'VE SENT THIS YEAR PA-AIL VOR 'UN, PA-ARSON!!" Illustration: _Not a "Silver Lining" to a Cloud._