=Head Waiter.= "THE WHAT, SIR? O!--AH!--YES!"--(_to Subordinate_)--"CHAWLES, BRING THIS--THIS--A--GEN'LEMAN--THE _MENOO_!!" Illustration: _Refrigerated Tourists._ =Provincial Waiter.= "ICE! GENTLEMEN! THERE AIN'T NO ICE IN AUTUMN TIME. BUT IT'S EASY TO SEE YOU ARE GENTS FROM LONDON, AS DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT NATURE, AND I DON'T BLAME YOU FOR IT, IN COURSE. BUT, ICE IN AUGUST!" _Exit, sniggering._ Illustration: Intelligent Pet. "MA, DEAR, WHAT DO THEY PLAY THE ORGAN SO LOUD FOR, WHEN 'CHURCH' IS OVER? IS IT TO WAKE US UP?" Illustration: "Durance." =Little Daughter.= "WON'T THEY LET US OUT WITHOUT PAYING, MA'?" Illustration: _The Mystery Solved._ =Effie= (_our Parson's little daughter: her first experience of "Church." Aloud--with intense surprise_). "PA AND ALL THE DEAR LITTLE BOYS, IN THEIR NIGHTGOWNS, GOING TO BYE-BYE!!" Illustration: _A Pledged M. P._ =M. P.'s Bride= "OH! WILLIAM, DEAR--IF YOU ARE--A LIBERAL--DO BRING IN A BILL--NEXT SESSION--FOR THAT UNDERGROUND TUNNEL!!" Illustration: "_Perils of the Deep._" =Unprotected Female= (_awaking old Gent., who is not very well_). "O, MISTER, WOULD YOU FIND THE CAPTAIN? I'M SURE WE'RE IN DANGER! I'VE BEEN WATCHING THE MAN AT THE WHEEL; HE KEEPS TURNING IT ROUND FIRST ONE WAY AND THEN THE OTHER, AND EVIDENTLY DOESN'T KNOW HIS OWN MIND!!" Illustration: "_The Pink of Fashion._" "OUR FLOWER SHOW WAS A DECIDED SUCCESS THIS YEAR, AND LITTLE FIDKINS IN AN EMBROIDERED FLORAL WAISTCOAT WAS KILLING!" Illustration: _The Bird Show._ =That Charming Gal= _with the blue feather_ (_to Prize Canary_). "SWEETY, DEAR!" =Comic Man= (_"Dolcissimo con Brio," from the other side of the pedestal_). "YES, DUCKY!" _Utterly ruining the hopes, and taking the wind out o' the sails of his tall friend (serious man), who had been spoonying about her all the afternoon, and thought he had made an impression!_ Illustration: "_Trying._" =Happy Swain= (_she has "named the day"_). "AND NOW, DEAREST EDITH, THAT IS ALL SETTLED. WITH REGARD TO JEWELLERY, MY LOVE; WOULD YOU LIKE A SET IN PLAIN GOLD, OR----" =Edith= (_economical and courageous, and who suffers a good deal from toothache_). "OH, AUGUSTUS, NOW YOU ASK ME--DO YOU KNOW--I--REALLY--BUT--MR. CLINCH TOLD ME YESTERDAY THAT HE COULD EXTRACT ALL I HAVE, AND PUT IN A BEAUTIFUL NEW SET FOR ONLY FIFTEEN GUINEAS!!" Illustration: Common Prudence. =Snob.= "OH, LET'S GET OUT O' THIS MOB, 'ARRY! THEY'LL THINK WE'RE A GOIN' TO _CHURCH_!" Illustration: The Triumphs of Temper. =Fare= (_out of patience at the fourth "jib" in a Mile_). "HI, THIS WON'T DO! I SHALL GET OUT!" =Cabby= (_through the trap, in a whisper_). "AH THIN, SOR, NIVER MIND HER! SIT STILL! DON'T GIVE HER THE SATISFACTION AV KNOWIN' SHE'S GOT RID AV YE!!" Illustration: "For Better for Worse." _Our friend Bagnidge (hasn't a rap) has just married the widow (rich) of old Harlesden the stockbroker._ =Mrs. B.= (_Retiring_). "SHALL I SEND MY POPPET HIS SLIPPERS?"