=Recruit.= "AUGH! I'VE BEEN--AH--USED TO THE CO'PANY OF--AH--GE'TLEMEN, SIR!!!!" Illustration: The Last Word. =Cabby= (_to stately Party, who has given him his legal Fare_). "MAKIN' YER FORTUNE, SIR, NO DOUBT!" =Swell= (_not exactly catching the Remark_). "EH?" =Cabby.= "YOU'RE A LAYIN' BY A GOOD BIT O' MONEY, SIR, I'LL BE BOUND!" =Swell= (_indignantly_). "What d'you mean, Sir?" Cabby. "WHY YOU DON'T SPEND MUCH, SEEMIN'LY!" _Drives off in triumph._ Illustration: A Dilemma. =Cabby.= "ERE'S A GO, P'LICEMAN! WHAT AM I TO DO?--I VOS ORDERED TO TAKE THESE 'ERE GENTS AS 'A BEEN A DININ' YOU SEE, TO THEIR 'SPECTABLE 'OMES, VUN VOS FOR 'ANOVER SQUARE, ANOTHER FOR THE HALBANY, AND THE TOTHERS ELSEVERES----VELL, THEY VOS ALL CAREFULLY SORTED VEN I STARTED, AN' NOW THEY'VE BEEN AN' GONE AN' MIXED THE'RSELVES UP, AN' I DON'T KNOW VICH IS VICH!!" Illustration: Too True! =Mamma.= "MY DEAR CHILD, WHERE DID YOU GET THAT DREADFUL SCRATCH ON YOUR ARM?" =Little Ada.= "OH, 'MA, IT WAS 'LISBETH'S BIG BRASS BROOCH WITH THE GREEN GLASS IN IT, THAT THE TALL SOLDIER GAVE HER!" Illustration: "Once for All." =Mistress.= "BY THE WAY--ANNA--HANNAH--I'M NOT SURE. IS YOUR NAME ANNA, OR HANNAH?" =New Cook= (_tartly_). "WHICH MY NAME IS ANNA, MUM--HAICH, HA, HEN, HEN, HA, HAICH,--'ANNA'"---- =Mistress= (_giving it up in despair_). "AH! THANK YOU." Illustration: Up and Down Stairs. =Young Mistress= (_at the Parlour Door_). "ELIZA, WHAT IS THAT BELL RINGING FOR SO VIOLENTLY?" =Cook= (_below_). "IT'S ON'Y ME, M'UM. I WANT YOU DOWN IN THE KITCHING A MINUTE!!" Illustration: Terms--Cash. =Lady Bountiful.= "HERE, MY GOOD MAN, HERE'S A TICKET FOR THE ORGANISING CHARITABLE RELIEF AND REPRESSING MENDI----" =Professional Beggar= (_with a sneer_). "O, THANKY FOR NOTHINK, MUM, _HOURS IS A READY MONEY BUSINESS_!" Illustration: Gratitude. =Fastidious Vagrant.= "AND THEY AIN'T 'ALF BUTTERED! I COULD 'A DONE AS WELL IF I'D GONE UP THE LANE TO THE 'UNION!'" Illustration: Music of the Future. Sensation Opera. =Manager= (_to his Primo Tenore, triumphantly_). "MY DEAR FELLOW, I'VE BROUGHT YOU THE SCORE OF THE NEW OPERA. WE'VE ARRANGED SUCH A SCENE FOR YOU IN THE THIRD ACT! O' BOARD OF THE PIRATE SCREW, AFTER THE KEELHAULING SCENE, YOU KNOW! HEAVY ROLLING SEA, EH?--YES, AND WE CAN HAVE SOME REAL SPRAY PUMPED ON TO YOU FROM THE FIRE-ENGINE! VOLUMES OF SMOKE FROM THE FUNNEL, CLOSE BEHIND YOUR HEAD--IN FACT, YOU'LL BE ENVELOPED AS YOU RUSH ON TO THE BRIDGE! AND THEN YOU'LL SING THAT LOVELY BARCAROLLE THROUGH THE SPEAKING-TRUMPET! AND MIND YOU HOLD TIGHT, AS THE SHIP BLOWS UP JUST AS YOU COME UPON YOUR HIGH D IN THE LAST BAR!!!" Illustration: Club Law. =Waiter.= "DID YOU RING, SIR?" =Member= (_trying to be calm_). "YES. WILL YOU WAKE THIS GENTLEMAN, AND SAY I SHOULD BE OBLIGED IF HE'D LET ME HAVE THE _SPECTATOR_, IF HE'S NOT READING IT." _Old Wacklethorpe has been asleep, with the Paper firmly clutched, for the last two hours._ Illustration: "'High' Life Below Stairs!"