=Master= (_sniffing_). "THERE'S A MOST EXTRAORDINARY SMELL, JAMES. I'VE NOTICED IT SEVERAL----" =Hall Porter.= "I DON'T WONDER AT IT, SIR. I'VE SPOKE ABOUT IT DOWN-STAIRS. THE BUTLER, SIR, YOU SEE IS ''IGH CHURCH,' WHICH HE 'AS FIT UP A HORATORY IN THE PANTRY, AND BURNS HINCENSE. WE COULD STAND THAT; BUT THE COOK IS THE 'LOW CHURCH' PERSUASION, AND SHE BURNS BROWN PAPER TO HOBVIATE THE HINCENSE. IT'S PERFECTLY HAWFUL ON SAINTS' DAYS, SIR!!!" Illustration: Wages and Wives. =Philanthropic Farmer.= "WELL, TOMKINS, AFTER THIS WEEK, INSTEAD OF PAYING YOU PARTLY IN CIDER, I SHALL GIVE YOU TWO SHILLINGS EXTRA WAGES." =Tomkins.= "NO, THANKY', MASTER; THAT WON'T DO FOR ME!" =Farmer.= "WHY, MAN, YOU'LL BE THE GAINER; FOR THE CIDER YOU HAD WASN'T WORTH TWO SHILLINGS!" =Tomkins. ="AH, BUT YOU SEE I DRINKS THE CIDER MYSELF; BUT THE OW'D OOMAN 'LL 'EV THE TWO SHILLUN'!!" Illustration: Pursuit o' Knowledge! =First Agricultural= (_quite a Year after our Branch had been Opened_). "WHAT BE THEY POST-ES VUR, MAS'R SAM'L?" =Second Ditto= (_Wag of the Village_). "WHY, TO CARRY THE TELEGRAFT WOIRES, GEARGE!" =First Ditto.= "WHAT BE THE WOIRES VUR, THEN?" =Second Ditto.= "WHAT BE THE WOIRES FUR? WHY, TO HOOLD UP THE POST-ES, SART'N'Y, GEARGE."!!! Illustration: A Nice Prospect! =Traveller= (_benighted in the Black Country_). "NOT A BEDROOM DISENGAGED! TUT-T-T-T!" =Landlady= (_who is evidently in the Coal Business as well_). "OH, WE'LL ACCOMMODATE YOU SOMEHOW, SIR, IF ME AND MY 'USBAND GIVES YOU UP OUR OWN BED, SIR!" Illustration: Boon Companions! =Bargee.= "WHAT! GE-ARGE!" _Rustic grins in response._ =Bargee.= "I'M ALLUS MAIN GLAD TO SEE THEE, GE-ARGE!" =Rustic.= "WHOY?" =Bargee.= "'CAUSE I KNOW THERE MUST BE A PUBLIC-'OUSE CLOSE BY!" Illustration: Bereaved. =First Pitman.= "THOU HESSENT BEEN AT THE TOUN LATELY, GEORDIE. HOO'S THAT, MAN?" =Second Pitman.= "THOU KNAWS THE DOG'S DEED, AND AW KENNET GETTEN ANOTHER; AN' A CHAP LECKS SA FOND WITOUT A DOG!" Illustration: Geology. =Scientific Pedestrian.= "DO YOU FIND ANY FOSSILS HERE?" =Excavator.= "DUNNO WHAT YUH CALLS 'VOSSULS.' WE FINDS NOWT HERE BUT MUCK AND 'ARD WORK!" Illustration: The Morning Concert. =Swell= (_doesn't care for music himself_). "MY DEAR, IS THIS--AH--(_yawns_)--TE-DIUM OVAR?"!! Illustration: A Cool Card. =Swell= (_handing "Sporting Life" to Clerical Party_). "AW--WOULD YOU--AW--DO ME THE FAVOUR TO WEAD THE LIST OF THE WACES TO ME WHILE WE'RE WUNNING DOWN?--I'VE--AW--FORGOTTEN MY EYEGLASS. DON'T MIND WAISING YOUR VOICE--I'M PWECIOUS DEAF!" Illustration: "Relapse." =Squire.= "WHY, PAT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, STANDING BY THE WALL OF THE PUBLIC-HOUSE? I THOUGHT YOU WERE A TEETOTALLER!" =Pat.= "YES, YER HONNOR. I'M JUST LISTENIN' TO THEM IMPENITENT BOYS DRINKING INSIDE!" Illustration: "_In Confidence._" =Hungry Customer.= "'TAINT BAD."