He was, however, a singularly sexless boy, and the effect produced was
of no very enduring character. Sex curiosity had no abiding place in his
disposition, and he entirely failed to understand the impulse which
compelled some of the older boys to bring opera glasses to bear on the
windows of the servants’ quarters in the hope that some disrobing act
might be espied and magnified. He would take no part in the whispered
conversation that forms part of a nightly program in practically every
school, and found no reason to reverence those scions of adventure who,
with a wealth of imagination, drew pictures of their conquests over
undefended citadels.
For this reserve he was almost unanimously dubbed a prig, but with
little enough justice. Wynne possessed no great distaste for wrong as
being wrong; indeed, in many cases, wrong appealed to him more
generously than the accepted view of right.
It was the schoolboy form of especial backstairs carnalism that provoked
in him the greatest distaste. There was, he thought, something sordid
and paltry about an enterprise that could only be referred to in
half-tones. If one sinned one should sin openly as Nero had done, and
play upon a lyre while the smoke of one’s sinning columned to the sky.
There is in the make-up of most growing boys a substratum of nastiness,
and it may well prove to be an act of divine providence that this should
be so. By the great Law of Contrast our judgments are made. They are
made in contrast to the error of our earlier ways. From the lowest stage
we step to higher planes and look back with timid disgust on thoughts
and actions we have left behind. It is seldom enough, thank God, we
consider our vulgar embryonic excesses in any other light than that of a
degrading folly which, by the grace of better understanding, we have
filtered from our systems. It is seldom enough that the most perverted
boy carries out into the world the brand of his unmoral beginnings.
There should be comfort in this for the parent whose son returns from
school before the holidays begin.
Wynne was coldly unmoved by the most lurid imaginings of sex. He would
merely shrug his shoulder and go elsewhere. Yet mentally he was every
kind of sensualist. The music of words stirred him illimitably—it would
quicken his pulses and shorten his breath as no bold appeal from the
eyes could have done. He could recognize love in the grand periods of
the poets, and gasp with emotion at the splendour and passion it
bespoke; but to associate love with the individual, or to consider
himself in the light of a possible lover, never entered his mind.
And so he passed over his period of first knowledge and learnt nothing
from the lesson.
VI
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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