Papers from LilliputPriestley, J. B. (John Boynton)
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Papers from Lilliput
Priestley, J. B. (John Boynton)
English essays -- 20th century
There was little or no alteration in his methods. Whether they have been
designed, once for all, by some Master Psychologist of cheap-jacks, or
are the result of accumulated experience, a secret tradition passed from
generation to generation of genial tricksters, I cannot say; but these
methods, like the human nature on which they are based, do not change
much. As before, he had not come among us to make money. With passionate
emphasis, he declared that he was not a profiteer (a new note, this),
but had been sent down here by the well-known firm of Mumble-Mumble to
smash profiteering. He would teach us the meaning of the word
Lib-er-al-ity--that is how he mouthed it, with splendid significance.
And then he proceeded in the time-old fashion.
From some half-a-dozen persons nearest the stall, he borrowed a few
coppers, promising to return the loan with the addition of a ‘small
present.’ These people, becoming sharers in the business, naturally do
not care to go away, and thus, by this simple trick, whatever may happen
he has about him at least the nucleus of a crowd. Then, flourishing
several mysterious packages before our eyes, he asked us to bid for
them. ‘Any gentleman got the pluck,’ he demanded, with the dispassionate
earnestness of a god, ‘any gentleman got the courage to offer me a
Silver Shilling for this?’ Any gentleman showing the necessary public
spirit was given the article in question, and his money, his Silver
Shilling, was handed back to him. Nor did our friend spoil his acts of
munificence by the manner of giving; every package was divested of its
numerous wrappings before it was handed over to the lucky man; the
contents were exposed to the public view, and described in a style that
‘Ouida’ would have envied. Our minds reeled before this riotous
splendour of gold and jewels. Sometimes, in a frenzy of reckless
generosity, he would pile up a heap of articles, and, with a magnificent
sense of the dramatic, would cry: ‘Here’s number One! And here’s number
Two! And here’s another one, making number Three! And another one,
making number Four!’--working up to a climax that left us gasping. Then,
after being extraordinarily bountiful to one person, he would pretend to
answer a perfectly imaginary charge of confederacy from some member of
the crowd, looking all the while very sternly at no one in particular.
‘One of a click (_i.e._ clique) is ‘e?’ he would roar. ‘One of the
click! Do I know yer, Mister? Never seen yer before. I’ll show yer
whether ‘e’s one of the click! I’ll show yer!’ And being apparently
stung by this vile taunt, he would lash himself into a fury, and proceed
to squander his glittering wares even still more wildly. I left him with
the sweat running down his face, his hair all rumpled and his collar a
wreck; yet he was still undaunted, giving away gold watches with the
magnificent air of an Eastern Emperor.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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