So you must wake and call me early, Simmons, call me early, Simmons, mind! Or I'll give you a month's warning if you are at all behind! For to-morrow'll be, of all the trial, the awfullest jolliest day, For I think all four will be hanged, Simmons; all four will be hanged, they say! _Truth_, October 4, 1877. * * * * * THE WELSHER'S LAMENT. (_On the Suppression of Suburban Race Meetings_). May, 1879. IF yer passin', knock me up, Bill; knock me up, old cock, d'yer yere; For to-morrer's Kingsbury meetin', is the last there'll be, I fear; Of all suburbin races, the werry last they say, For that Anderson in Parlyment, 'as contrived to get 'is way. It's ter'ble rough on us, Bill; on us, an' all our pals, As 'asn't got no tickets for that bloomin' Tattersall's; For 'ow without these meetin's our livin's were to get, Is a rayther ticklish problim, as I 'avent worked out yet. _Truth_, February 21, 1878. * * * * * THE MODERN MAY QUEEN. (_The Result of the First Fortnight_). DON'T wake and call me early, pray don't call me, mother dear, To-morrow may be the coldest day of all this cold New Year; Of all this wintry year, mother, the wildest stormiest day, And we have had fires in May, mother, we have had fires in May. I sleep so sound at night, mother, that I don't want to wake, With the horrid thermometer standing at what seems a sad mistake; But none so wise as those who read the weather forecasts, they say; Shall we have more fires in May, mother? must we have more fires in May? A storm is coming across, mother, the _New York Herald_ has said, And, if you please, I'd rather lie as long as I like in bed; So bother the knots and garlands, mother, and all the foolish play, If we're to have fires in May, mother, why--we must have fires in May. _Punch_, May 28, 1881. The following parody appeared originally in a clever little Cambridge University Magazine, entitled _Light Green_, which has long been out of print. _Light Green_ contained many excellent parodies, notable amongst them being:--_The May Exam._, after Tennyson; _The Song of the Shirk_, after Hood; _The Heathen Pass-ee_, after Bret Harte; and _The Vulture and the Husbandman_, after Lewis Carroll. These, with several other amusing pieces of poetry, have been reprinted in a small pamphlet, which can be obtained from W. Metcalfe and Son, Trinity-street, Cambridge. THE MAY EXAM. (_By Alfred Pennysong_). "Semper floreat Poeta Laureate."--HORACE. YOU must wake and call me early, call me early, Filcher dear, To-morrow 'ill be a happy time for all the Freshman's year; For all the Freshman's year, Filcher, the most delightful day, For I shall be in for my May, Filcher, I shall be in for my May!