Who said my mother was a Turk, And took me home and made me work, But managed half my meals to shirk? My Aunt. Who, “of all earthly things,” would boast “He hated other’s brats the most,” And therefore made me feel my post? My Uncle. Who got in scrapes, an endless score, And always laid them at my door, Till many a bitter bang I bore? My Cousin. Who took me home when mother died, Again with father to reside, Black shoes, clean knives, run far and wide? My Stepmother. Who marred my stealthy urchin joys, And, when I played, cried “What a noise!”―― Girls always hector over boys―― My Sister. Who used to share in what was mine, Or took it all, did he incline, ’Cause I was eight and he was nine? My Brother. Who stroked my head and said, “Good lad;” And gave me sixpence――“all he had”―― But at the shop the coin was bad? My Godfather. Who, gratis, shared my social glass, But when misfortune came to pass, Referred me to the pump?――Alas! My Friend. Through all this weary world, in brief, Who ever sympathised with grief. Or shared, my joy, my sole relief? Myself. ANONYMOUS. ――――:o:―――― HER MOTHER. Who comes and causes little tiffs; And gives the most suggestive sniffs, Whene’er a man takes twenty whiffs? My Mother-in-law! Who, when a babe is born, appears, And in my business interferes, Until at last she domineers? My Mother-in-law! Who comes to stay a day or two, And then stops all the winter through; Pretending she’s obliging you? My Mother-in-law! Who makes out you ill-treat her child, When preternaturally mild, You are at last by her driven wild? My Mother-in-law! Who makes the servants notice give, And when she at your house will live, Makes you from home a fugitive? My Mother-in-law! Who at the meals turns up her nose, Who loves your projects to oppose, And very nasty hints out-throws? My Mother-in-law! Who, cuckoo like, invades the nest, Till happiness is dispossest, And then remains a tiresome guest? My Mother-in-law! _From_ FINIS. ――――:o:―――― DICK’S LETTER TO THE EDITOR OF THE “BOY’S OWN PAPER.” I think the public ought to know The miseries I undergo From one who only love should show; My Brother!