Said a City Alderman, “I will try My enemies’ sneers to falsify; I’ll curb, as much as ever I’m able, My gluttonous taste at the Civic table; I’ll do my best, too, myself to force To become less bigoted, dull, and coarse; I will also strive to promote no job, And to cease the poor any more to rob. ’Though, I’m bound to add, I already fear I’ve promised too much for the Glad New Year!” Said a Man of Fashion, “Hereby I swear To think much less of the clothes I wear; To gamble less when I cannot pay, Less spirits to drink, less slang essay; The spiteful talk of the Club to ban, To take my sport as becomes a man, To shoot no pigeons, to sell no race, Nor a gentleman’s name to in aught disgrace: All this I swear, so I think ’tis clear I have much to change in the Glad New Year!” _Truth._ January 3, 1884. ―――― SAID I TO MYSELF, SAID I. (_As sung by Mr. Henry Irving_). When I took to the stage as a gifted young man, Said I, &c., I’ll act on a new, if peculiar plan, Said I, &c. I’ll never consider the _rôle_ that I play, My method need change to a different way, From the path that I’ve chosen I never will stray, Said I &c. The public are ready for anything new Said I, &c., The æsthetes are raving o’er all that I do, Said I, &c. My plan is successful, my manner attracts, No matter the play, if ’tis Irving that acts, And places are booked two months off. These are facts Said I, &c. I’ll swagger and stagger, I’ll roar and I’ll rant, Said I, &c., I’ll suddenly cease, roll my eyes, gasp and pant, Said I, &c. In mounting most costly I’ll not be outdone, Though in comedy vague my idea of fun, Yet soon on the boards I shall be number one, Said I, &c. I always will keep my peculiar stride, Said I, &c., In Hamlet, Charles, Richelieu, and Romeo beside, Said I, &c. With pre-Raffaelite Ellen my woes to assuage, In London be burlesqued, in Scotland the rage, We triumph on every American stage. Said I, &c. ONNY BRIDGE _Truth._ November 15, 1883. ―――― THE MASHER CLERK. (A city firm have just advertised in the _Daily News_ for a clerk, adding that they want “no mashers.”)