“There go those young devils chivvying that poor little beggar again;
ought to be ashamed of theirselves.”
But, oh! the anguish of the poor little beggar! Can any one who has not
been through it imagine it! Reduced to its actualities, what was it?
Gibes and jeers that, after all, break no bones. A few pinches,
kicks and slaps; at worst a few hard knocks. But the dreading of it
beforehand! Terror lived in every street, hid, waiting for me, round
each corner. The half-dozen wrangling over their marbles--had they seen
me? The boy whistling as he stood staring into the print shop, would I
get past him without his noticing me; or would he, swinging round upon
his heel, raise the shrill whoop that brought them from every doorway to
hunt me?
The shame, when caught at last and cornered: the grinning face that
would stop to watch; the careless jokes of passers-by, regarding the
whole thing but as a sparrows' squabble: worst of all, perhaps, the rare
pity! The after humiliation when, finally released, I would dart away,
followed by shouted taunts and laughter; every eye turned to watch me,
shrinking by; my whole small carcass shaking with dry sobs of bitterness
and rage!
If only I could have turned and faced them! So far as the mere bearing
of pain was concerned, I knew myself brave. The physical suffering
resulting from any number of stand-up fights would have been trivial
compared with the mental agony I endured. That I, the comrade of a
hundred heroes--I, who nightly rode with Richard Coeur de Lion,
who against Sir Lancelot himself had couched a lance, and that not
altogether unsuccessful, I to whom all damsels in distress were wont to
look for succour--that I should run from varlets such as these!
My friend, my bosom friend, good Robin Hood! how would he have behaved
under similar circumstances? how Ivanhoe, my chosen companion in all
quests of knightly enterprise? how--to come to modern times--Jack
Harkaway, mere schoolboy though he might be? Would not one and all
have welcomed such incident with a joyous shout, and in a trice have
scattered to the winds the worthless herd?
But, alas! upon my pale lips the joyous shout sank into an unheard
whisper, and the thing that became scattered to the wind was myself, the
first opening that occurred.
Sometimes, the blood boiling in my veins, I would turn, thinking to go
back and at all risk defying my tormentors, prove to myself I was no
coward. But before I had retraced my steps a dozen paces, I would see
in imagination the whole scene again before me: the laughing crowd,
the halting passers-by, the spiteful, mocking little faces every way I
turned; and so instead would creep on home, and climbing stealthily up
into my own room, cry my heart out in the dark upon my bed.
Until one blessed day, when a blessed Fairy, in the form of a small
kitten, lifted the spell that bound me, and set free my limbs.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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