I have always had a passionate affection for the dumb world, if it be
dumb. My first playmate, I remember, was a water rat. A stream ran at
the bottom of our garden; and sometimes, escaping the vigilant eye of
Mrs. Fursey, I would steal out with my supper and join him on the banks.
There, hidden behind the osiers, we would play at banquets, he, it is
true, doing most of the banqueting, and I the make-believe. But it was
a good game; added to which it was the only game I could ever get him to
play, though I tried. He was a one-ideaed rat.
Later I came into the possession of a white specimen all my own. He
lived chiefly in the outside breast pocket of my jacket, in company with
my handkerchief, so that glancing down I could generally see his little
pink eyes gleaming up at me, except on very cold days, when it would be
only his tail that I could see; and when I felt miserable, somehow he
would know it, and, swarming up, push his little cold snout against
my ear. He died just so, clinging round my neck; and from many of my
fellow-men and women have I parted with less pain. It sounds callous to
say so; but, after all, our feelings are not under our own control; and
I have never been able to understand the use of pretending to emotions
one has not. All this, however, comes later. Let me return now to my
fairy kitten.
I heard its cry of pain from afar, and instinctively hastened my steps.
Three or four times I heard it again, and at each call I ran faster,
till, breathless, I arrived upon the scene, the opening of a narrow
court, leading out of a by-street. At first I saw nothing but the backs
of a small mob of urchins. Then from the centre of them came another
wailing appeal for help, and without waiting for any invitation, I
pushed my way into the group.
What I saw was Hecuba to me--gave me the motive and the cue for passion,
transformed me from the dull and muddy-mettled little John-a-dreams I
had been into a small, blind Fury. Pale Thought, that mental emetic,
banished from my system, I became the healthy, unreasoning animal, and
acted as such.
From my methods, I frankly admit, science was absent. In simple,
primitive fashion that would have charmed a Darwinian disciple to
observe, I “went for” the whole crowd. To employ the expressive idiom of
the neighbourhood, I was “all over it and inside.” Something clung about
my feet. By kicking myself free and then standing on it I gained the
advantage of quite an extra foot in height; I don't know what it was and
didn't care. I fought with my arms and I fought with my legs; where I
could get in with my head I did. I fought whatever came to hand in
a spirit of simple thankfulness, grateful for what I could reach and
indifferent to what was beyond me.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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