Atonement -- Fiction; Clergy -- England -- Fiction; Illegitimate children -- Fiction
Instead of sleeping for an hour, he slept far into the night; and spent
the rest of it in misery between bouts of shivering and of intolerable
heat. His throat was on fire, to quench it he coughed, and already his
cough hurt queerly. In the morning the man was ill enough to know that
he was going to be worse. He took characteristic measures while he
could.
It was a fine instinct which had inspired him to economise his coal; now
was the time when that little hoard might save his life. But he had only
one scuttle, and for the moment felt baffled; then he dried his bath,
and put the coals in that, thus eventually getting them to the study in
one load. These exertions hurt Carlton like his cough. In both cases it
was as though his body had been transfixed. His head swam with the pain.
Yet next moment he was reeling back for wood; and not less than ten
infernal minutes did he spend on such errands, a furious fever alone
sustaining him. It was constructive suicide, yet not to have these
things was certain death. Now it was all the alcohol in the house, in a
bottle that had lasted nearly a year; now a basin of eggs, of which he
had always a fair store indoors; now pail upon pail of water for his
kettle. Carlton had been a great visitor of the sick, and seen many a
death from the disease he was preparing to resist. He had therefore a
rough idea of what to do for himself; he was only doubtful as to how
long he might be able to do anything at all. The lightest breath had now
become a pang. Already he was alarmingly ill, and must inevitably grow
much worse. But he did not intend to die. He trusted the constitution of
a lean and hardy race, and he trusted his own nerve.
At last the fire was alight, a full kettle mounted, and the spout
trained upon the pillow, the bed itself being drawn up close to the
fire. Under the bed was the bath full of coals, and within as easy reach
the eggs, the whisky, a breakfast-cup, and the pails of water. But even
now the sick man was not in his bed; he was lying in a heap upon the
floor, where he had fallen the moment he could afford to faint.
On recovering he shook off half his clothes, crawled between the
blankets, and beat up an egg with whisky. This was all he took that day.
And there he lay, breathing needles and coughing daggers until he slept.
"I'm not going to die. They shan't get rid of me like that. I don't die
like a rat in his hole!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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