Civilization, Western -- Fiction; France -- Civilization -- Fiction; Penguins -- Fiction; Satire
“They exist already,” continued St. Antony, who would listen to
nothing. “They are called harpies, and they are the most obscene
animals in creation. One day as I was having supper in the desert with
the Abbot St. Paul, I placed the table outside my cabin under an old
sycamore tree. The harpies came and sat in its branches; they deafened
us with their shrill cries and cast their excrement over all our food.
The clamour of the monsters prevented me from listening to the teaching
of the Abbot St. Paul, and we ate birds’ dung with our bread and
lettuces. Lord, it is impossible to believe that harpies could give
thee worthy praise.
“Truly in my temptations I have seen many hybrid beings, not only
women-serpents and women-fishes, but beings still more confusedly
formed such as men whose bodies were made out of a pot, a bell, a
clock, a cupboard full of food and crockery, or even out of a house
with doors and windows through which people engaged in their domestic
tasks could be seen. Eternity would not suffice were I to describe all
the monsters that assailed me in my solitude, from whales rigged like
ships to a shower of red insects which changed the water of my fountain
into blood. But none were as disgusting as the harpies whose offal
polluted the leaves of my sycamore.”
“Harpies,” observed Lactantius, “are female Monsters with birds’
bodies. They have a woman’s head and breast. Their forwardness, their
shamelessness, and their obscenity proceed from their female nature as
the poet Virgil demonstrated in his ‘Æneid.’ They share the curse of
Eve.”
“Let us not speak of the curse of Eve,” said the Lord. “The second Eve
has redeemed the first.”
Paul Orosius, the author of a universal history that Bossuet was to
imitate in later years, arose and prayed to the Lord:
“Lord, hear my prayer and Anthony’s. Do not make any more monsters like
the Centaurs, Sirens, and Fauns, whom the Greeks, those collectors of
fables, loved. You will derive no satisfaction from them. Those species
of monsters have pagan inclinations and their double nature does not
dispose them to purity of morals.”
The bland Lactantius replied in these terms:
“He who has just spoken is assuredly the best historian in Paradise,
for Herodotus, Thucydides, Polybius, Livy, Velleius Paterculus,
Cornelius Nepos, Suetonius, Manetho, Diodorus Siculus, Dion Cassius,
and Lampridius are deprived of the sight of God, and Tacitus suffers in
hell the torments that are reserved for blasphemers. But Paul Orosius
does not know heaven as well as he knows the earth, for he does not
seem to bear in mind that the angels, who proceed from man and bird,
are purity itself.”
“We are wandering,” said the Eternal. “What have we to do with all
those centaurs, harpies, and angels? We have to deal with penguins.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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