Civilization, Western -- Fiction; France -- Civilization -- Fiction; Penguins -- Fiction; Satire
His son, Chum, who was lame, failed to increase the territory of the
Penguins. Bolo, the son of Chum, was assassinated by the palace guards
at the age of nine, just as he was ascending the throne. His brother
Gun succeeded him. He was only seven years old and allowed himself to
be governed by his mother, Queen Crucha.
Crucha was beautiful, learned, and intelligent; but she was unable to
curb her own passions.
These are the terms in which the venerable Talpa expresses himself in
his chronicle regarding that illustrious queen:
“In beauty of face and symmetry of figure Queen Crucha yields neither
to Semiramis of Babylon nor to Penthesilea, queen of the Amazons; nor
to Salome, the daughter of Herodias. But she offers in her person
certain singularities that will appear beautiful or uncomely according
to the contradictory opinions of men and the varying judgments of the
world. She has on her forehead two small horns which she conceals in
the abundant folds of her golden hair; one of her eyes is blue and one
is black; her neck is bent towards the left side; and, like Alexander
of Macedon, she has six fingers on her right hand, and a stain like a
little monkey’s head upon her skin.
“Her gait is majestic and her manner affable. She is magnificent in her
expenses, but she is not always able to rule desire by reason.
“One day, having noticed in the palace stables, a young groom of great
beauty, she immediately fell violently in love with him, and entrusted
to him the command of her armies. What one must praise unreservedly in
this great queen is the abundance of gifts that she makes to the
churches, monasteries, and chapels in her kingdom, and especially to
the holy house of Beargarden, where, by the grace of the Lord, I made
my profession in my fourteenth year. She has founded masses for the
repose of her soul in such great numbers that every priest in the
Penguin Church is, so to speak, transformed into a taper lighted in the
sight of heaven to draw down the divine mercy upon the august Crucha.”
From these lines and from some others with which have enriched my text
the reader can judge of the historical and literary value of the “Gesta
Penguinorum.” Unhappily, that chronicle suddenly comes suddenly to an
end at the third year of Draco the Simple, the successor of Gun the
Weak. Having reached that point of my history, I deplore the loss of an
agreeable and trustworthy guide.
During the two centuries that followed, the Penguins remained plunged
in blood-stained disorder. All the arts perished. In the midst of the
general ignorance, the monks in the shadow of their cloister devoted
themselves to study, and copied the Holy Scriptures with indefatigable
zeal. As parchment was scarce, they scraped the writing off old
manuscripts in order to transcribe upon them the divine word. Thus
throughout the breadth of Penguinia Bibles blossomed forth like roses
on a bush.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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