Civilization, Western -- Fiction; France -- Civilization -- Fiction; Penguins -- Fiction; Satire
A monk of the order of St. Benedict, Ermold the Penguin, had himself
alone defaced four thousand Greek and Latin manuscripts so as to copy
out the Gospel of St. John four thousand times. Thus the masterpieces
of ancient poetry and eloquence were destroyed in great numbers.
Historians are unanimous in recognising that the Penguin convents were
the refuge of learning during the Middle Ages.
Unending wars between the Penguins and the Porpoises filled the close
of this period. It is extremely difficult to know the truth concerning
these wars, not because accounts are wanting, but because there are so
many of them. The Porpoise Chronicles contradict the Penguin Chronicles
at every point. And, moreover, the Penguins contradict each other as
well as the Porpoises. I have discovered two chronicles that are in
agreement, but one has copied from the other. A single fact is certain,
namely, that massacres, rapes, conflagrations, and plunder succeeded
one another without interruption.
Under the unhappy prince Bosco IX. the kingdom was at the verge of
ruin. On the news that the Porpoise fleet, composed of six hundred
great ships, was in sight of Alca, the bishop ordered a solemn
procession. The cathedral chapter, the elected magistrates, the members
of Parliament, and the clerics of the University entered the Cathedral
and, taking up St. Orberosia’s shrine, led it in procession through the
town, followed by the entire people singing hymns. The holy patron of
Penguinia was not invoked in vain. Nevertheless, the Porpoises besieged
the town both by land and sea, took it by assault, and for three days
and three nights killed, plundered, violated, and burned, with all the
indifference that habit produces.
Our astonishment cannot be too great at the fact that, during those
iron ages, the faith was preserved intact among the Penguins. The
splendour of the truth in those times illumined all souls that had not
been corrupted by sophisms. This is the explanation of the unity of
belief. A constant practice of the Church doubtless contributed also to
maintain this happy communion of the faithful—every Penguin who thought
differently from the others was immediately burned at the stake.
IV. LETTERS: JOHANNES TALPA
During the minority of King Gun, Johannes Talpa, in the monastery of
Beargarden, where at the age of fourteen he had made his profession and
from which he never departed for a single day throughout his life,
composed his celebrated Latin chronicle in twelve books called “De
Gestis Penguinorum.”
The monastery of Beargarden lifts its high walls on the summit of an
inaccessible peak. One sees around it only the blue tops of mountains,
divided by the clouds.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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