Perkins of Portland: Perkins The Great — John Shaqi
Perkins of Portland: Perkins The GreatButler, Ellis Parker
General
Perkins of Portland: Perkins The Great
Butler, Ellis Parker
Advertising -- Fiction; Humorous stories
In the days before the kodak had a button to press while they do
the rest; even before Royal Baking Powder was quite so pure as
“absolutely,”--it was then about 99 99/100% pure, like Ivory Soap,--in
those days, I say, long before Soapine “did it” to the whale, Mr. Silas
Boggs awoke one morning, and walked out to his wood-shed in a pair of
carpet slippers. His face bore an expression of mingled hope and doubt;
for he was expecting what the novelists call an interesting event,--in
fact, a birth,--and, quite as much in fact, a number of births--anywhere
from five to a dozen. Nor was Silas Boggs a Mormon. He was merely the
owner of a few ravenous guinea-pigs. It is well known that in the matter
of progeny the guinea-pig surpasses the famous Soap Dust, although that
has, as we all know, triplets on every bill-board.
Mr. Silas Boggs was not disappointed. Several of his spotted pets had
done their best to discountenance race suicide; and Silas, having put
clean water and straw and crisp lettuce leaves in the pens, began to
examine the markings of the newcomers, for he was an enthusiast on the
subject of guinea-pigs. He loved guinea-pigs as some connoisseurs
love oil paintings. He was fonder of a nicely marked guinea-pig than a
dilettante is of a fine Corot. And his fad had this advantage. You can
place a pair of oil paintings in a room, and leave them there for ages,
and you will never have another oil painting unless you buy one; but
if you place a pair of guinea-pigs in a room--then, as Rudyard says so
often, that is another story.
Suddenly Mr. Silas Boggs stood upright and shouted aloud in joy. He
hopped around the wood-shed on one leg, clapping his hands and singing.
Then he knelt down again, and examined more closely the little spotted
creature that caused his joy. It was true, beyond doubt! One of his pigs
had presented him with something the world had never known before--a
lop-eared guinea-pig! His fame was sure from that moment. He would be
known to all the breeders of guinea-pigs the world over as the owner of
the famous lop-eared spotted beauty. He christened her Duchess on the
spot, not especially because duchesses have lop-ears, but because he
liked the name. That was in the days before people began calling things
Nearwool and Ka-bosh-ko and Ogeta Jaggon, and similar made-to-order
names.
To Mr. Boggs, in the midst of his joy, came a thought; and he feverishly
raked out with his hands the remaining newly born guinea-piglets,
examining one after another. Oh, joy! He almost fainted! There was
another lop-eared pig in the litter; and, what filled his cup to
overflowing, he was able to christen the second one Duke!
At that moment Perkins walked into the wood-shed. Perkins at that time
had a room in the Silas Boggs mansion, and he entered the wood-shed
merely to get an armful of wood with which to replenish his fire.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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