“No doubt,” said I, “they settled who Was fittest to be sent Yet still to choose a brat like you, To haunt a man of forty-two, Was no great compliment!” “I’m not so young, Sir,” he replied, “As you might think. The fact is, In caverns by the water-side, And other places that I’ve tried, I’ve had a lot of practice: “But I have never taken yet A strict domestic part, And in my flurry I forget The Five Good Rules of Etiquette We have to know by heart.” My sympathies were warming fast Towards the little fellow: He was so utterly aghast At having found a Man at last, And looked so scared and yellow. [Picture: In caverns by the water-side] “At least,” I said, “I’m glad to find A Ghost is not a _dumb_ thing! But pray sit down: you’ll feel inclined (If, like myself, you have not dined) To take a snack of something: “Though, certainly, you don’t appear A thing to offer _food_ to! And then I shall be glad to hear— If you will say them loud and clear— The Rules that you allude to.” “Thanks! You shall hear them by and by. This _is_ a piece of luck!” “What may I offer you?” said I. “Well, since you _are_ so kind, I’ll try A little bit of duck. “_One_ slice! And may I ask you for Another drop of gravy?” I sat and looked at him in awe, For certainly I never saw A thing so white and wavy. And still he seemed to grow more white, More vapoury, and wavier— Seen in the dim and flickering light, As he proceeded to recite His “Maxims of Behaviour.” [Picture: The Phantom dines] CANTO II Hys Fyve Rules “MY First—but don’t suppose,” he said, “I’m setting you a riddle— Is—if your Victim be in bed, Don’t touch the curtains at his head, But take them in the middle, “And wave them slowly in and out, While drawing them asunder; And in a minute’s time, no doubt, He’ll raise his head and look about With eyes of wrath and wonder. “And here you must on no pretence Make the first observation. Wait for the Victim to commence: No Ghost of any common sense Begins a conversation. [Picture: Ghostly border] “If he should say ‘_How came you here_?’ (The way that _you_ began, Sir,) In such a case your course is clear— ‘_On the bat’s back_, _my little dear_!’ Is the appropriate answer. “If after this he says no more, You’d best perhaps curtail your Exertions—go and shake the door, And then, if he begins to snore, You’ll know the thing’s a failure. “By day, if he should be alone— At home or on a walk— You merely give a hollow groan, To indicate the kind of tone In which you mean to talk.