[Illustration: =AN UNEXPECTED REPLY.= _Father O’Flynn._ “AND NOW, PAT MURPHY, IN THIS SEASON OF LENT, WHAT IS IT YE’LL DO BY WAY OF PENANCE?” _Pat Murphy._ “SURE, THEN, I’LL--I’LL COME AN’ HEAR YOUR RIVERANCE PRAYCHE!”] [Illustration: “=THE GREY MARE.=” _Scrumble._ “BEEN TO SEE THE OLD MASTERS?” _Stippleton (who has married money)._ “NO. FACT IS“--(_sotto voce_)--”I’VE GOT QUITE ENOUGH ON MY HANDS WITH THE OLD MISSUS!”] [Illustration: =AT A GARDEN PARTY= _Lady Vere de Vere (to distinguished foreigner)._ “YOU _MUST_ EXCUSE ME. I KNOW IT’S AWFULLY SILLY OF ME. I KNOW YOUR NAME SO WELL, BUT I CAN’T REMEMBER YOUR FACE!”] [Illustration: =THE VERY LATEST DISCOVERY.= _Amateur Astronomical Student (returning home, after attending scientific Bachelor Dinner, where “the reported discovery of a new Satellite of Saturn” has been warmly discussed)._ “WHERE AM I? LETSH SHEE--(_considering_)--EARTH’S GOT _ONE_ MOON. MARS’S GOT FIVE MOO--JUP’TUSH NINE--I SHEE TWO MOONS. THEN--_WHERE_ AM I?”] [Illustration: =CHRISTMAS COMES BUT ONCE A YEAR.= _Cabby (to Gent who has been dining out)._ “’ERE Y’ARE, SIR. THIS IS YOUR ’OUSE--GET OUT--BE CAREFUL, SIR--’ERE’S THE STEP.” _Gent._ “YESH! THASH ALLRI, BUT WERSH MY _FEET_?”] [Illustration: =MALAPROPOS.= _Mrs. Snobson (who is doing a little slumming for the first time and wishes to appear affable, but is at a loss to know how to commence conversation)._ “_TOWN VERY EMPTY!_”] [Illustration: =OVERHEARD AT A COUNTRY FAIR.= “’ERE Y’ARE! ALL THE JOLLY FUN! LIDIES’ TORMENTORS TWO A PENNY!”] [Illustration: =CONVINCING.=] [Illustration: =OVERHEARD ON THE STEPS OF THE ARMY AND NAVY STORES.= _Commissionaire._ “UNIFORMS? TOP FLOOR, SIR!”] [Illustration: =EUREKA!= PORTRAIT OF A CALCULATING GENTLEMAN (NOT AT ALL A BAD-LOOKING CHAP) WHO HAS SOLVED THE PROBLEM AS TO WHETHER WE ARE IN THE NINETEENTH OR TWENTIETH CENTURY.] [Illustration: =A SOLILOQUY.= _Tragedian._ “CHEAP! HA, HA! WHY IN MY TIME THEY _THREW_ THEM AT US!”] [Illustration: =A BREEZY CUSTOMER.= “SHAVE, OR HAIR CUT, SIR?” “_CORNS_, YOU FOOL!”] [Illustration: =A MISUNDERSTANDING.= _Old Maid._ “IS THIS A SMOKING COMPARTMENT, YOUNG MAN?” _Obliging Passenger._ “NO, MUM. ’IGHER UP!”] [Illustration: =GRAPHIC.= “YER KNOW, THEM BOERS ’AS BIN STORIN’ GUNS AND HAMBITION FOR YEARS!”] [Illustration: =HARD LINES.= “JUST MY LUCK! THIS SORT OF THING ALWAYS HAPPENS JUST WHEN I’M INVITED TO A PARTY!”] [Illustration: =FROM ERIN’S ISLE.= “SURE, TERENCE, IF YEZ GO TO THE FRONT, KAPE AT THE BACK, OR YE’LL BE KILT. OI KNOW UT!” “FAITH, AN’ ISN’T THAT THE WAY OI GET MY LIVIN’?”] [Illustration: =MAFEKING NIGHT.= (_Or rather_ 3 A.M. _the following morning_.) _Voice (from above)._ “GOOD GRACIOUS, WILLIAM! WHY _DON’T_ YOU COME TO BED?” _William (huskily)._ “MY DEAR MARIA, YOU KNOW IT’S BEEN THE RULE OF MY LIFE TO GO TO BED SHOBER--AND I CAN’T POSH’BLY COME TO BED YET!”] [Illustration: =ANOTHER WAY OF PUTTING IT.=