He wears buttoned shoes because he cannot tie shoe laces. Neither can he tie a dress tie; if there is no one to tie it for him he has to miss the party. In general, he is almost wholly devoid of manual dexterity, though he can play the piano well enough to entertain himself, and is a good sight reader. The only art that ever stirs him is music. He views literature objectively, almost anatomically. He is anæsthetic to painting. His favorite composers are Beethoven, Haydn, Mozart, Brahms, and Richard Strauss. He detests Tschaikowsky and Rossini, and likes Wagner better out of the opera house than in it. In his youth he wrote waltzes. He abominates song and piano recitals and oratorios. He has a pretty extensive knowledge of musical technique, and knows a sound sonata from a bad one. When he improvises it is usually in F major. He has a poor ear and cannot tune a fiddle. He drinks all the known alcoholic beverages, but prefers Pilsner to any other; a few seidels make him very talkative. In the absence of Pilsner, he drinks Michelob. He seldom drinks at meals and often goes three or four days without a drink. In wine, he likes whatever is red and cheap. He detests champagne, Scotch and rye whisky, and gin, though he drinks them all to be polite. He has a good head, and is not soused more than once a year, usually at Christmas. He has good eyes and a gentle mouth, but his nose is upset, his ears stick out too much, and he is shapeless and stoop-shouldered. One could not imagine him in the moving pictures. He has strong and white, but irregular teeth. He wears a No. 7½ hat. He is bow-legged. He is a fast walker. He used to snore when asleep, but had his nasal septum straightened by surgery, and does so no longer. He takes no interest whatever in any sport. He played baseball as a boy, but hasn’t seen a game for ten years, and never looks at the baseball news in the papers. He cannot play tennis or golf, and has never tried. He knows nothing of cards. He never bets on elections or horse-races. He never takes any exercise save walking. He rejects the whole of Christianity, including especially its ethics, and does not believe that the soul is immortal. His moral code is from the Chinese and has but one item: keep your engagements. He pays all bills immediately, never steals what he can buy, and is never late for an appointment. He has missed but one train in his life. He believes in war so long as it is not for a moral cause. He advocates universal military training on the ground that it causes wars. His table manners are based upon provincial French principles, with modifications suggested by the Cossacks of the Don. When at home he arises at eight sharp every morning, and is at his desk at nine. He likes to go motoring at night, and often sets out alone at midnight. He takes a half hour’s nap every afternoon. He can sleep anywhere and at almost any time.