_Neverout._ Ay, my Lord; so is the Devil when he’s pleas’d. _Ld. Smart._ Miss, what do you think of my Friend _Tom_? _Miss._ My Lord, I think, he’s not the wisest Man in the World; and truly, he’s sometimes very rude. _Ld. Sparkish._ That may be true; but, yet, he that hangs _Tom_ for a Fool, may find a Knave in the Halter. _Miss._ Well, however, I wish he were hang’d, if it were only to try. _Neverout._ Well, Miss, if I must be hang’d, I won’t go far to chuse my Gallows; it shall be about your fair Neck. _Miss._ I’ll see your Nose Cheese first, and the Dogs eating it: But, my Lord, Mr. _Neverout_’s Wit begins to run low, for I vow, he said this before: Pray, Colonel, give him a Pinch, and I’ll do as much for you. _Ld. Sparkish._ My Lady _Smart_, your Ladyship has a very fine Scarf. _Lady Smart._ Yes, my Lord; it will make a flaming Figure in a Country Church. [Footman _comes in_. _Footman._ Madam, Dinner’s upon the Table. _Col._ Faith, I’m glad of it; my Belly began to cry Cupboard. _Neverout._ I wish I may never hear worse News. _Miss._ What! Mr. _Neverout_, you are in great Haste; I believe, your Belly thinks your Throat’s cut. _Neverout._ No, faith, Miss; Three Meals a Day, and a good Supper at Night, will serve my Turn. _Miss._ To say the Truth, I’m hungry. _Neverout._ And I’m angry, so let us both go fight. [_They go in to Dinner, and after the usual Compliments, take their Seats._ _Lady Smart._ Ladies and Gentlemen, will you eat any Oysters before Dinner? _Col._ With all my Heart. [_Takes an Oyster._] He was a bold Man, that first eat an Oyster. _Lady Smart._ They say, Oysters are a cruel Meat, because we eat them alive: Then they are an uncharitable Meat, for we leave nothing to the Poor; and they are an ungodly Meat, because we never say Grace. _Neverout._ Faith, that’s as well said, as if I had said it myself. _Lady Smart._ Well, we are well set, if we be but as well serv’d: Come, Colonel, handle your Arms; shall I help you to some Beef? _Col._ If your Ladyship please; and, pray, don’t cut like a Mother-in-Law, but send me a large Slice; for I love to lay a good Foundation. I vow, ’tis a noble Sirloyn. _Neverout._ Ay; here’s cut, and come again. _Miss._ But, pray, why is it call’d a Sirloyn? _Ld. Sparkish._ Why, you must know, that our King _James_ the First, who lov’d good Eating, being invited to Dinner by one of his Nobles, and seeing a large Loyn of Beef at his Table, he drew out his Sword, and in a Frolic knighted it. Few People know the Secret of this. _Ld. Sparkish._ Beef is Man’s Meat, my Lord. _Ld. Smart._ But, my Lord, I say, Beef is the King of Meat. _Miss._ Pray, what have I done, that I must not have a Plate? _Lady Smart._ [_to Lady Answ._] What will your Ladyship please to eat? _Lady Answ._ Pray, Madam, help yourself. _Col._ They say, Eating and Scratching wants but a Beginning: If you will give me Leave, I’ll help myself to a Slice of this Shoulder of Veal.