She No, dearest. You know I never have unless you gave me cause. He Sometimes you have become angry and said hard things without any reason. She Maybe you think so, but I don't. [Lifts her head from his shoulder.] He I know what I'm talking about. [Takes his arm from her waist.] She You come home cross because you haven't got sense enough to conduct your business properly, and take your spite out on me. He You make me tired. You get on your ear because you are naturally one of the cain-raising, blab-mouthed kind and can't help it. She You old crosspatch of a liar from Liarsville, don't you talk to me that way or I'll scratch your eyes out. He You blamed wildcat. I wish I had been struck by lightning before I ever met you. She [Seizing the broom.] Biff! biff! biff. He [After reaching the sidewalk] I wonder if Colonel Ingersoll is right when he says suicide is no sin! [Curtain] Buying a Piano A Houston man decided a few days ago to buy his wife a piano for a Christmas present. Now, there is more competition, rivalry, and push among piano agents than any other class of men. The insurance and fruit tree businesses are mild and retiring in comparison with the piano industry. The Houston man, who is a prominent lawyer, knew this, and he was careful not to tell too many people of his intentions, for fear the agents would annoy him. He inquired in a music store only once, regarding prices, etc., and intended after a week or so to make his selection. When he left the store he went around by the post-office before going back to work. When he reached his office he found three agents perched on his desk and in his chair waiting for him. One of them got his mouth open first, and said: "Hear you want to buy a piano, sir. For sweetness, durability, finish, tone, workmanship, style, and quality the Steingay is--" "Nixy," said another agent, pushing in between them and seizing the lawyer's collar. "You get a Chitterling. Only piano in the world. For sweetness, durability, finish, tone, workmanship--" "Excuse me," said the third agent. "I can't stand by and see a man swindled. The Chronic and Bark piano, for sweetness, durability, finish--" "Get out, every one of you," shouted the lawyer. "When I want a piano I'll buy the one I please. Get out of the room!" The agents left, and the lawyer went to work on a brief. During the afternoon, five of his personal friends called to recommend different makes of pianos, and the lawyer began to get snappish. He went out and got a drink and the bartender said: "Say, gent, me brudder works in a piano factory and he gimme de tip dat you'se wants to buy one of de tum-tums. Me brudder says dat for sweetness, durability, finish--" "Devil take your brother," said the lawyer. He got on the street car to go home and four agents were already aboard waiting for him. He dodged back before they saw him and stood on the platform. Presently the brakeman leaned over and whispered in his ear: