American fiction -- 19th century; American poetry -- 19th century; American wit and humor; Short stories, American
"Madagascar is the home," read the manager, "of an enormous bird
called the epyornis, that lays an egg 15 1/2 by 9 1/2 in. in size,
weighing from ten to twelve pounds. These eggs--"
"Never mind reading any more," said Mark Twain. "We will not go to
Madagascar."
The Other Side of It
There is an item going the rounds of the press relative to the
well-known curiosity of woman. It states that if a man brings a
newspaper home out of which a piece has been clipped his wife will
never rest until she has procured another paper to see what it was
that had been cut out.
A Houston man was quite impressed with the idea, so he resolved to
make the experiment. One night last week he cut out of the day's paper
a little two-inch catarrh cure advertisement, and left the mutilated
paper on the table where his wife would be sure to read it.
He picked up a book and pretended to be interested, while he watched
her glance over the paper. When she struck the place where the piece
had been cut, she frowned and seemed to be thinking very seriously.
However, she did not say anything about it and the man was in doubt as
to whether her curiosity had been aroused or not.
The next day when he came home to dinner she met him at the door with
flashing eyes and an ominous look about her jaw.
"You miserable, deceitful wretch!" she cried. "After living all these
years with you to find that you have been basely deceiving me and
leading a double life, and bringing shame and sorrow upon your
innocent family! I always thought you were a villain and a reprobate,
and now I have positive proof of the fact."
"Wh--wha--what do you mean, Maria?" he gasped. "I haven't been doing
anything."
"Of course you are ready to add lying to your catalogue of vices.
Since you pretend not to understand me--look at this."
She held up to his gaze a complete paper of the issue of the day
before.
"You thought to hide your actions from me by cutting out part of the
paper, but I was too sharp for you."
"Why that was just a little joke, Maria. I didn't think you would take
it seriously. I--"
"Do you call that a joke, you shameless wretch?" she cried, spreading
the paper before him.
The man looked and read in dismay. In cutting out the catarrh
advertisement he had never thought to see what was on the other side
of it, and this was the item that appeared, to one reading the other
side of the page, to have been clipped:
A gentleman about town, who stands well in business
circles, had a high old time last night in a certain
restaurant where he entertained at supper a couple of
chorus ladies belonging to the comic opera company now in
the city. Loud talking and breaking of dishes attracted
some attention, but the matter was smoothed over, owing to
the prominence of the gentleman referred to.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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