"You call that a joke, do you, you old reptile," shrieked the excited lady. "I'm going home to mamma this evening and I'm going to stay there. Thought you'd fool me by cutting it out, did you? You sneaking, dissipated old snake you! I've got my trunk nicely packed and I'm going straight home--don't you come near me!" "Maria," gasped the bewildered man. "I swear I--" "Don't add perjury to your crimes, sir!" The man tried unsuccessfully to speak three or four times, and then grabbed his hat and ran downtown. Fifteen minutes later he came back bringing two new silk dress patterns, four pounds of caramels, and his bookkeeper and three clerks to prove that he was hard at work in the store on the night in question. The affair was finally settled satisfactorily, but there is one Houston man who has no further curiosity about woman's curiosity. Journalistically Impossible "Did you report that suicide as I told you to do last night?" asked the editor of the new reporter, a graduate of a school of journalism. "I saw the corpse, sir, but found it impossible to write a description of the affair." "Why?" "How in the world was I to state that the man's throat was cut from ear to ear when he had only one ear?" The Power of Reputation One night last week in San Antonio a tall, solemn-looking man, wearing a silk hat, walked into a hotel bar from the office, and stood by the stove where a group of men were sitting smoking and talking. A fat man, who noticed him go in, asked the hotel clerk who it was. The clerk told his name and the fat man followed the stranger into the barroom, casting at him glances of admiration and delight. "Pretty cold night, gentlemen, for a warm country," said the man in the silk hat. "Oh--ha--ha--ha--ha--ha!" yelled the fat man, bursting into a loud laugh. "That's pretty good." The solemn man looked surprised and went on warming himself at the stove. Presently one of the men sitting by the stove said: "That old Turkey over in Europe doesn't seem to be making much noise now." "No," said the solemn man, "it seems like the other nations are doing all the gobbling." The fat man let out a yell and laid down and rolled over and over on the floor. "Gosh ding it," he howled, "that's the best thing I ever heard. Ah--ha--ha--ha--ha--ha! Come on, gentlemen, and have something on that." The invitation seemed to all hands to be a sufficient apology for all his ill-timed merriment, and they ranged along the bar. While the drinks were being prepared, the fat man slipped along the line and whispered something in the ear of everyone, except the man with the silk hat. When he got through a broad smile spread over the faces of the crowd. "Well, gentlemen, here's fun!" said the solemn man as he raised his glass. The whole party, with one accord, started off into a perfect roar of laughter, spilling half their drinks on the bar and floor. "Did you ever hear such a flow of wit?" said one. "Chock full of fun, ain't he?"