Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three actsShiels, George
General
Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three acts
Shiels, George
Comedy plays; English drama -- Irish authors
PROF. [_draws a seaman’s knife_]. Let you and Johnny and everybody
else mind their own business. If anybody tries to stop me I’ll defend
myself. [_Going off back._]
MRS. S. Don’t let him out, John! Stop him....
JOHN. By hokey, I’ll do nothing of the kind. That man’d think little
of knifing me. He’s a sailor.
PEGGY [_goes to PROF. at door_]. Give me that knife, uncle. Please.
PROF. Sorry, pigeon. I couldn’t get along without that knife. It’s
the knife I cut my food and baccy with.
PEGGY. Well, put it in your pocket. Nobody’s going to stop you.
You’ll come over with me to the old kitchen and I’ll get you something
to eat....
MRS. S. Never!
PEGGY. Mother, I’ll feed him! Nobody knows whose turn it may be next.
JOHN. God bless you, Peggy. Feed him.
_PROF. puts knife in pocket. KILROY and JOSEPH come in back.
They stand staring at PROF._
PROF. Bless you, Peggy. You’re as good as you look. I’ll go with you
like a lamb.
PEGGY. Come on. I’ll help you across.
_PEGGY leads PROF. out back._
KILROY. Who’s that ould viper? I seem to know his face. [_Sniffing_]
The smell of snuff and fish and whiskey would poison you!
MRS. S. It’s not drink, James. He’s a poor man, with the palsy or
something, and Peggy always feeds him in the old kitchen.
KILROY. Well, lord knows how she does it. She’ll surely get a
powerful reward in heaven. For I couldn’t go next or near him.
JOSEPH. I could go near him! I’ll go over and give him a penny.
MRS. S. You mustn’t, Joseph. He doesn’t like strangers. He wouldn’t
take a penny even from me.
KILROY [_looks watch_]. John, are we going to this auction? If we are
it’s time we were away. We won’t have much time to look about us....
MRS. S. Go, in God’s name, and buy it. I’m determined to see Peggy
and Joseph in Rush Hill before a month....
JOSEPH. Aye--before a week! Come on, father. [_Goes out back._]
KILROY. He’s a Kilroy! [_Goes out back._]
JOHN [_calls after him_]. I’ll follow you in a minute, James. [_To
MRS. S._] Don’t you turn out that unfortunate till I come back.
MRS. S. Why not?
JOHN. Because it’s not right. It’s not Christian. It’s not human. Tim
give us a fine start the morning we were married.
MRS. S. You’ve a very long memory.
JOHN. And you’ve a very short one.
MRS. S. Step on. He’ll not be here.
JOHN. If you turn him out he’ll die on the road.
MRS. S. If he does we can bury him. Step on.
JOHN. I may go. But not in God’s name. I’m not enough of a Scribe and
Pharisee for that. We couldn’t have luck after this day’s work. We don’t
deserve it. [_Goes out back._]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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