Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three actsShiels, George
General
Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three acts
Shiels, George
Comedy plays; English drama -- Irish authors
MRS. S. Soft John! You’d give him the shirt off your back. And he’s
the boy would take it. But he won’t be here when you come back. Not if I
have to drive him in to the station myself and ship him! [_Sniffing_]
Mercy! the smell of this house ... snuff or something. [_Opens all the
doors and windows and comes back to the centre._] If the Kilroys see him
or get to know who he is--that ends everything....
_PEGGY comes in shaking her head._
PEGGY. We’re lost, mother. He’s gone off across the fields to the
auction.
MRS. S. [_shrieks_]. What! Gone to the auction! Why did you let him
out?
PEGGY. Because I couldn’t keep him in. He threatened me with the
knife. The man’s either an eccentric, or he’s crazy....
MRS. S. [_sinks on a chair_]. Oh, Lord above! Am I to be persecuted
and afflicted off the face of the earth? Or why do You permit these
people--one and all of them--to make my life a misery? Why, why?
_Curtain_
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ACT II
_O’CAHAN’S dining-room. Windows look out on lawn. Door from the hall._
_The room has a general tumble-down appearance. There are pictures of
race-horses, jockeys, and a large portrait of O’CAHAN’S deceased uncle
on the walls. A few silver cups and other trophies are piled on the
sideboard._
_MOLL FLANAGAN, a squat, middle-aged maid, is trying to hang a clean
curtain. The sun has darkened, and the bluish light suggests rain._
MOLL. Och, hum, anee oh! May the curse of Cain fall on anyone who
comes to the auction, and may they roast forever in eternal torments
that buy it over his unfortunate head! [_Fights with curtain_] Blast
you, stay up!
_O’C. comes in and looks around for a book._
O’C. Well, Moll, are you spring cleaning?
MOLL. I’m trying to make it a wee bit dacent-looking, dear.
O’C. I think the shutters would be more suitable.
MOLL. We’ll keep a bold front as long as we can.
O’C. But aren’t you a little foolish to hang clean curtains for
somebody else?
MOLL. God look down to your wit if you think I’m hanging them for
somebody else! It’s for our own bit of respect and dacency. And God look
down to your wit if you think Moll Flanagan won’t tear them down after
the auction.
O’C. [_going to bookcase_]. Suit yourself, Moll. You’re the
housekeeper.
MOLL. And I’ll tear down more than the curtains. I’ll not leave a
whole pane of glass in the house, nor a square inch of plaster on the
walls or ceilings that I won’t smash off with the hatchet. And they’ll
be lucky if I don’t burn it to the ground.
O’C. You mustn’t do anything of the kind, Moll. I draw the line at
vandalism. Don’t you see him watching you?
MOLL. Who’s watching me?
O’C. [_pointing to portrait_]. Uncle Hugh. If you start smashing
anything he’ll come out of his frame and speak to you.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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