Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three actsShiels, George
General
Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three acts
Shiels, George
Comedy plays; English drama -- Irish authors
O’C. No, sir. I don’t believe in doing dirty work for the Bank.
ALLISON. Paddy Kinney has destroyed all chance of a sale. He made a
house-to-house canvass and got the neighbours to boycott the auction.
O’C. If he did I knew nothing about it. But it’s like a thing Paddy
would do.
ALLISON. I’m going to tell you a secret, Hugh. The Bank’s reserve is
three thousand pounds. If it doesn’t make that at the auction it won’t
be sold.
O’C. It won’t make it.
ALLISON. Then Kilroy’ll have a private deal with the Bank. You see?
You ought to’ve had someone here to run it up.
O’C. My dear sir, sale or no sale, I’m clearing out to-night. I don’t
care whether it makes three thousand pounds or three-ha’pence.
ALLISON. Oh, that’s different.
_KILROY, JOSEPH, and JOHN appear in the doorway._
KILROY. I hope we’re not intruding. It’s going to rain.
O’C. No intrusion. This is an auction. Come in.
_All three come in. O’C. stands on the hearth-rug and trims his
finger-nails._
KILROY. You’re not going to’ve a big crowd, Mr. Allison.
ALLISON. Evidently not.
O’C. The number of local grabbers is smaller, Mr. Kilroy, than you
thought.
KILROY. I don’t like the way you put that, sir!
O’C. I thought you wouldn’t like it. That’s why I put it that way.
KILROY [_hotly_]. Do you call me a grabber?
O’C. Now, now. Don’t lose your head. This isn’t the Rural Council.
KILROY. By heavens, O’Cahan, you and your uncle always treated me
like dirt!
O’C. We always liked to treat a man as we found him.
KILROY. But it’s my turn now. I’m here to buy Rush Hill, and I don’t
care who it angers or who it pleases.... Now, Mr. Allison, read the
terms. It’s long after eleven o’clock.
_PADDY comes in dressed like a man of means._
PADDY. Is the sile ovah?
ALLISON. No, sir. It’s not on yet.
PADDY. Awh, that’s lucky.
KILROY. Read the terms, Mr. Allison.
ALLISON. I’ll go out to the front steps....
KILROY. Well, come ahead. I don’t care where you read them.
_KILROY, JOSEPH, PADDY, JOHN, and ALLISON go out._
O’C. [_stands listening_]. I wonder who put Kinney up to this!...
Probably his own notion.... [_Smiles._] Poor old Paddy! He’s as much a
part of Rush Hill as the O’Cahans.
_MRS. SCALLY comes in._
MRS. S. Where is my daughter?
O’C. Which of them?
MRS. S. Peggy!
O’C. I don’t know, madam, where she is.
MRS. S. Don’t you dare to stand there and tell me you don’t know! She
came over here half an hour ago....
O’C. I’m afraid that sort of talk has no effect on me. You see I’m
neither your husband nor one of your offspring.
MRS. S. Thank God, you’re nothing to me!
O’C. Amen. One couldn’t be too grateful.
MRS. S. You’ve lost everything but the O’Cahan cheek.
O’C. And you have gained everything but good manners.
MRS. S. While I’m here I’ll give you a bit of my mind. You’re a
disgrace to the parish. A living disgrace.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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