Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three actsShiels, George
General
Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three acts
Shiels, George
Comedy plays; English drama -- Irish authors
ALLISON [_handing him papers_]. You’ve the deeds and old mortgages
all there, Professor. Some of them haven’t seen daylight for a hundred
years.
_JOSEPH comes in quietly at back._
PROF. [_takes papers_]. Give me the key. [_ALLISON gives key._] Come
here, Peggy. [_She goes to him._] You gave me a kindly welcome to-day,
and three pounds. Do you remember?
PEGGY. Y-es.
PROF. There’s part of your reward. [_Hands her papers and key._] A
wedding present.
PEGGY [_after a pause_]. Uncle ... I’m going to cry....
PROF. Ah, Peggy, don’t be so obvious. Tears are as common as
rain-water. Do something original.
PEGGY. Can I do with these what I like, uncle?
PROF. Do with them whatever you please, Peggy. Light your pipe with
them.
PEGGY [_hands all to O’C._]. You’re a great prophet, dear. Without
going away you’re coming back to Rush Hill.... Say something, Hugh.
_O’C. damps his lips and tries to speak, but in vain._
PROF. Don’t open your lips, young man, or your heart ’ill fly out. I
can hear it beating against the roof of your mouth.
PEGGY [_petting him_]. Try again, Hugh. [_O’C. shakes his head._] You
see, uncle, he hasn’t had much practice in thanking his lucky stars.
That’s why he can’t speak now. He’s so much finer in defeat.
PROF. It depends on what a man’s best used to, Peggy.
O’C. [_shaking himself_]. I can speak now. [_Shakes hands with
PROF._] I suppose I may call you uncle?
PROF. Yes, it’s only a little ante-dated.
O’C. It’ll take some time for me to realise what has happened. For
the last ten days I’ve been like a blind man. One smash coming after
another, old friends disappearing as if by magic, and the future as
black as the inside of a cloud. Leaving Rush Hill to-night was like
walking out to be hanged.
PROF. Sonny, you please me well. You pleased me to-day at the
auction, when the world was falling in pieces about your ears. That’s
when a man stands out. Not when he’s eating strawberries and cream. If
you call a boy after me I’ll put six figures to his name.
ALLISON. And never miss it!
PADDY. In sowl, at that rate, we’ll call a dozen for him.
MOLL. Pad-ee! have some morals.
PROF. For the rest of my life I want to spend half time in this house
and the other half at Rush Hill. Can I have a room there facing the
south?
O’C. Can Peggy and I have a room there facing anywhere? The rest
belongs to you. Peggy and I are your tenants.
PROF. Good. I’ll be a bachelor and a family man combined. We can have
everything we want at Rush Hill. And Peggy the undisputed boss of the
show. You hear that, Peggy!
PEGGY. I should think I do, uncle.... And you hear it, Hugh? No more
double-banks or champion stone walls. I don’t want to be left a widow at
Rush Hill.
O’C. Before all these witnesses, Peggy, I hand you the whip and the
reins. [_Gives PADDY the key._] Take the key, Paddy, and turn up the
lights. I’ll be over after you directly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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