Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three acts — John Shaqi
Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three actsShiels, George
General
Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three acts
Shiels, George
Comedy plays; English drama -- Irish authors
PADDY. Come on, Moll Flanagan. Get into your gear. I’m sorry I bought
you all that finery.... Bring Toby and all with you....
MOLL [_struggling to her feet_]. Oh, Lord above! The torrents of
joy’s killing me....
_PEGGY gets PADDY and MOLL ready for the road._
PROF. Paddy Kinney!
PADDY. Yes, your honour, Professor.
PROF. You gave me two shillings to-day.
PADDY [_embarrassed_]. Ah, God forgimme, Professor! Sure I thought
you were as poor as myself.
PROF. I’ll give you two hundred pounds if you kiss Moll Flanagan in
that hat and dress.
PADDY. Well, in sowl, it’s a big lump of money....
MOLL. Daar ye! Daar ye!
_PADDY kisses MOLL._
PROF. I’ll give you five hundred pounds, Paddy, and build you a
cottage if you marry Moll Flanagan inside thirty days.
PADDY. Well, you’ll pay that bonus, Professor, in one fortnight.
MOLL. I wouldn’t like to say but you’re right, Paddy. For that bonus
would drive anyone to it.
PADDY. Come on, then. You’re going to get me after all.... Turn your
head for home. We left Rush Hill, carriage paid for destruction, and
we’re going back to begin a golden age.... Good bless Professor Tim!
MOLL. Amen. May he live for ever.
_PADDY and MOLL go out back._
KILROY [_rising_]. We may as well go home, Ellen.
PROF. James Kilroy, you’re a good Irishman. You put a pound note in
my hand at the station....
KILROY. I wish from my heart I’d had nothing to do with Rush Hill.
PROF. Sit down, James, and smoke a cigar.
JOHN. Sit down, James.
_KILROY sits down._
PROF. Peggy, you’ll find a box of cigars in my valise.
PEGGY. All right, uncle. [_Goes into the room._]
PROF. Hugh, would you mind telling Peggy it’s the small flat box I
want?
O’C. The mild ones.... [_Goes to room scratching his head._]
ALLISON. May I stay and smoke a cigar, Professor?
PROF. I’ll be very glad if you will.
MRS. K. Keep up your heart, Joseph. Mrs. Scally has more daughters
than Peggy.
JOSEPH. I’d marry any of the other three ... any one of them that
would have me.
PROF. You’re what’s called a marrying man, Joseph.
JOSEPH. Yes, sur.
_PEGGY comes in with cigars, followed by O’C., who hands her a
sidecomb._
PEGGY. Joseph, you ought to set your cap for Susan. I know she likes
you, and she’s been frightfully jealous of me....
JOSEPH [_brightening_]. Will you speak to Susan for me, Peggy?
PEGGY. I will indeed, Joseph.
JOSEPH. Mrs. Scally, will you speak for me, too?
MRS. S. [_in a low voice_]. I’ll see, Joseph. [_Pause._] If God
spares me, I mean to talk less.... [_Rising_] I’ll go to my room for
half an hour.... I’m feeling upset....
PEGGY [_throwing her arms round MRS. S.’S neck_]. Mother! don’t leave
us! [_Sets her down and kisses her._] Sure you’ve made us all what we
are!... Come here, Hugh, and kiss mother.
PROF. That’s a tall order, Hugh.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account